a nigga really suffer from anxiety and dpression...this shit aint cool

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U

Uaintknowin

Sicc OG
#1
Jul 10, 2002
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#1
i been reading up on this shit, and I really think i got it, i done had a long fucked up life, with one wrong turn after another and now i think i really suffer from clinical depression.....shit aint cool, i be seein these paxil ads n shit, and i really think the shit would help.....sometime a nigga happy then a mutha...and then i start thinking about life and reality and then i just want to say fuck it all.....Any of ya'll feel this way, or am I the only one....
I really think i need some help, but i aint got no insurance, and sometimes i really question my sanity folks....and its fucked up cause a nigga got hella straps at the house and i hope i dont loose it one day and pick one up and look down the barrel....Smokin weed dont help, it does for the moment, , drinkin just makes me wanna do all the things i think ( thats a REALLY bad thing) and tryin top gorget about it never works.....now i aint full blown loco (yet) but i aint gone lie....man i got voices in my head...they dont tell me to go blow up no buildings or nothin or shit like that, but the do talk to me...Do ya'll feel any of this ? does anyone else go through this shit.....What do ya'll do when times get like this....?

I aint got no family.....i never trust any of my so-called friends, and i aint got a lady or nothin cause they cant deal with my shit......Any of ya'll got any advice before i just say fuck it and overdose on sleepin pills.....(ok the last line was a joke...sorta)
 
T

Tooper

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#2
Apr 25, 2002
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man ask anybody around here i already been through it.i was diagnosed schizophrenic in the begining of 2001.i take medicine for that every night before i go to bed it's called risperdal you can look it up.lately i been taking paxil too my new docotor prescribed it.

with the risperdal i don't hear any voices but i have to take them every night.for how long i don't know maybe for life.

the paxil it makes me forget about my problems to an extent i just live day by day.

i can scan my medication and show it too you and prove i've been on this stuff.
 
U

Uaintknowin

Sicc OG
#3
Jul 10, 2002
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#3
yeah if i copuld afford the shit i prolly be on it too, i dont hear other voices in my head, but i do talk to myself more than others, and out loud when no ones around.......
 
T

Tooper

Sicc OG
#4
Apr 25, 2002
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i don't have any money either but since 3 doctors diagnosed me i been getting it for free.i get these samples every doctor visit they give me a ton of this shit every 5 to 6 weeks to hold me over.right now i'm trying to get medicare but to get medicare i have to be on social security.my doctors keep telling me i should be on social security so i keep trying to with the help of my dad.i'm on my second chance cause the first time they turned me down.everybodys telling me thats whut they do they always shoot you down.so if they do that again i can always get a lawyer and i should'nt have problems anymore.i'll have medicare to pay my bills and social security to give me sum money.

this shit is serious if your hearing voices you may not even know it till it gets really bad like me.i was in disbelief.i was talking to nobody and yelling at times cause i thought people around me were saying shit about me.i actually believed my nieghbors could hear me from their house and we could hold conversation.it's wierd but it's true but i was the only one thinking like that.when the voices got really bad i could'nt sleep or go a minute without hearing them.thats when my dad called the crises team and they took me to see sum doctors.
 
Blight

Blight

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#5
May 12, 2002
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#5
Try working out. I started in the middle of a relationship and wasnt so into it. After i broke up with her, i havent had a steady relationship wit a girl since. Like you, "they cant deal with my shit" so i take a lot of time and focus in lifting and when im there, im serious. I dont think about worldly problems, my girls, my fam, friends (except the ones i met there), dog dying, etc... Im there to be with myself in a positive way.

When i drink, i do it to escape (if im getting drunk) so i dont get all depressed. Maybe you should try to switch that around, drink and have fun not to be more depressed.
 
T

Tooper

Sicc OG
#6
Apr 25, 2002
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don't take my words lightly i can help you if you really think you need help.all you need to do is call the crises team in you phone book.talk to them and tell them your problems.maybe they can help you too.

they helped me.
 
4

4T7

Sicc OG
#7
Jul 3, 2002
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#7
I feel Ur pain. CONTROL YOUR-SELF u will get over it, just take it slow day by day and you'll see everyone see's the sunshine.
If it's really BAD go get some pills they work.GOOD LUCK!
 
U

Uaintknowin

Sicc OG
#8
Jul 10, 2002
207
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#8
thanks for the help ya'll, sometimes it seems like no one really are about my issues....
Tooper...what the number dogg? is it in Cali?

Blight...i been tryin to work out..(see the post i left you)
but at times i get so depressed that i dont want to cause i feel like "it doesnt matter".....but i been tryin to stick wit it lately
 
T

Tooper

Sicc OG
#9
Apr 25, 2002
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look up crises team or family crises or anything to that matter in the phone book.tell them you are really depressed and your thinking about hurting yourself or have had thoughts to hurt yourself.i told them i did'nt think about hurting anybody or myself but they took me in anyway.

they will come to your house and ask you questions just a few questions.for me they just took my ass straight to the doctor.

the doctor asked me sum questions and said if you are willing to take medication sign this paper.

i signed it and he filled a prescription.

from there i've been too other doctors to diagnose me and assign a permanent doctor who takes care of me.

now you might not be as "crazy" like i was but i'm sure they help people who are feeling hopeless and depressed.if you really think you need medication you can do whut i told you.

there may be other ways but maybe you can talk to them on the phone and see if they will help you.
 
R

Roxy

Sicc OG
#10
May 2, 2002
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#10
Tooper the Guardian Angel, man U have a good heart.

Uaintknowin, even if U have no insurance U can still get help. The first thing would be to get diagnosed. U might need medication, or U just might need therapy. I know it seems easy for me to say, but don't get discouraged. Have hope. The fact that U want to talk about it says a lot. I will keep U in my prayers. :classic:
 
U

Uaintknowin

Sicc OG
#11
Jul 10, 2002
207
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#11
hey ya'll, ya'll really helped me out....im peep out the docs and shit in the phone book like tooper said, yeah i just found out i can get medi-cal since this job is only temporary...im tryin to keep my head up but sometimes the whole world shits on you at once, ya'll are like the only family i got (pretty sad shit to say to a bunch of cats you aint never met,but its true)
aint nobody really there for me though, you feel me....maybe some paxil would help

SHEA...maybe im more of a manic depressive too, but i get panic attacks and shit too....like if i cant find something, i start to panic and tearing up my house and shit trying to find it...Sometimes im on top of the world and not worried about shit, the next hour im worried about everything and stressed out...

Im the type of cat that could be in a room fulla people but i still feel alone, it aint easy....i guess talkin about it now kinda helps too


TOOPER: last time i tried calling and sayin shit like that i ended up having 3 cops and my house pounding on the door cause i wouldnt answer the phone, took me to the doc alright, for 72 evaluation at the hospital....wouldnt let me leave and shit...i think i'll call from a payphone next time

Roxy....im tryin to keep my head up, but sometimes it aint easy....one day i could be the happiest nigga on the streets without a care in the world.......the next day im ready to give up on life , i been through a lotta shit in my life (you wouldnt believe half of it if i told you) and sometimes the past affects the future...feel me

but i been on my own since i was 15, the only cat in 9th grade with rent to pay, folks got divorced when i was 3 my pops was a crackhead for most of my life, my mom was beat to death by the guy she was with after my dad....nobody ever gave a fuck about me, except for my ex, who saved my life a few times, but shes gone now....i lived my life in the streets and thats the only family i ever knew, till the niggas i called my family robbed me and left me for dead in the woods.....lifes a bitch on her period.....its time for a beer and a blunt...

hey ya'll...i love ya'll man, ya'll showed me more love that i can say for a lotta people, i appreciate that yall tryin to help a cat make it through the struggle called life......1 love
 
T

Tooper

Sicc OG
#13
Apr 25, 2002
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Roxy said:
Tooper the Guardian Angel, man U have a good heart.

Uaintknowin, even if U have no insurance U can still get help. The first thing would be to get diagnosed. U might need medication, or U just might need therapy. I know it seems easy for me to say, but don't get discouraged. Have hope. The fact that U want to talk about it says a lot. I will keep U in my prayers. :classic:
Click to expand...
much luv roxy.i feel like if theres sumbody real in your life they always stay in your heart so i try to do the same for others that need sumbody like that in their life.it's good to think back to a time and sumbody who was there for you.sumtimes i go into that zone and smile.it's really cool for the momment but that one moment counts.

to uaintknowin you don't gotta worry about cops.the people that come to your home act like cops but they are really looking out for you.they ask how your doing,whuts going on,how your feeling and if they think you need to see a doctor they give you a ride.

like when they picked me up i was getten in fights and arguments with my family.so they sent a lady and this TALL FOOL he could take just about anybody thats out of control.i thought they were cops myself cause my dad surprised me and kept it a secret that he was gonna call them.i did'nt know who they were.anyway they took me straight to a doctor.

hey man i looked it up in the phone book the number is under !!!CRISIS HOTLINE!!!

THINK ABOUT IT.

i can tell you already are thinking of help so theres the help you need if your ever on one...

thats the next step but you need to remember that for yourself next time you feel out of touch and in need of attention.

stay away from the liquor and drugs.they can only make your feelings worse or more confusing.you know it's a fact that people who have sumbody pass away and drink after makes them morune even longer than a sober person.

that tells you right there alchohol or drugs can only intensify your feelings good or bad.

just keep our words in mind.we're only trying to help.
 
skitz

skitz

Sicc OG
#15
May 9, 2002
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#15
This iz my story...kinda hard to put this on here

I know exactly how you feel Uaintknowin. Talking about it and understanding that you do suffer from it does a big job in overcomin it. I'v been suffering from this for tha past 2 years and just started talking about it with tha people around me. Its tha hardest thing to come out and say u suffer from anxiety/depression. Ever since my dad gotten sick 2 1/2 years ago everything went down hill for me, i lost interest in a lot of things, felt alone, trapped, hiding from problems. I'd panic A LOT...once i almost had a full panic attack but i ended up calming myself down, thing iz that i had to hide it from my parents and that fucked me up even more...i did tell my mom but she thought i waz faking ...i caught her at tha wrong time when she waz in a bad mood so i just left and had to deal with it myself...over a few months i started getting really bad...reallllll bad, like i'd panic off everyday things...i had to pull myself together, i did...after that i started getting more depressed thinking about school...what i didnt do/could of done, stress,allllllllll these what if's...fuckin drove me CRAZY. after about a year of that i gotten better, told myself if this keeps up i'm done...finished. This past year i started getting better and tha last 4 months been really good for me...i'v had my ups and downs but i told tha people around me about my problem and that helped A LOT...then i finally understood what i had, feels good talking about it. I'm going to school agian tryin to get myself back together, i gotta go out and get a job, start driving, just gotta go step by step...take it slow.

Talk to Jade...thats what i did and if it waznt for her i probally wouldnt told tha people around me and never would of admitted i had this problem. If you need someone to talk to...aim me.
 
U

Uaintknowin

Sicc OG
#16
Jul 10, 2002
207
1
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#16
@ mzconspiquos, i hit you on the pm


To skits...yeah if feel you, ever since my dad died like 3 years ago its what really set me over the edge, although i had it bad before then, it was from all the traumatic shit from when i was a kid, i had a fucked up childhood, i used to watch my moms get her ass beat everyday by this racist fucker she ended up with, who told me at the age of 3 or 4 that he cant stand "niggers" , now hearing some shit like this at 3 reallt fucks you up, and then he used to beat my ass too whenver something went wrong it was my fault and not his kids, who were white. He ended up killing my mom when i was 8 and he didnt serve a day in jail, claimed it was an accident and she fell even though the coroner and police said it was homicide....then moving in with pop who was strung out on dope for years....he had major paranoia from the shit and always thought i was tryin to kill him or set him up or i was plottin againsts him, he came close to killin me a couple of times, but when i was 14 i moved out with nothin but the clothes on my back and a few dollars in my pocket, stayed in a group home for a while but then i moved out and found a place for rent for 400 a month, barely was able to finish high school.....all five years of it, cause i had fucked up so much with workin and tryin to do homework and jook dope to pay the rent, shit was stressful, moved more time in the last 5 years than some people do in there whole life....ive been a drifter, just lookin for a happy home in this crazy world.....wit no family and only so-called friends, its hard to talk about the shit when no ones there to talk to......and once a girl finds out all the issues i got from my past and all the problems i got now, they just split or cant deal with it, arent strong enough to stick around.......man life has been a fucked up journey, and i been drivin in the fastlane wit no brakes and no headlights.....im 24 and i feel like im 45, i dont see myself living to be over maybe 35-40 , i just was never able to picture it....so i went out and did all i wanted to do in life, fathered a child (even though the kid wasnt mine, i treated it like it was, and then the bitch left me) lived lavish as possible even if i was sleepin in my car, i never let no one see me with my head down.....i might not of had but .50 in my pocket but i acted like i had a million dollars, ive had all the nice hotels and drank don p and tried to be happy...but you can only hide the pain for so long......sometimes im up, sometimes im down.....life aint nothin but a rollercoaster...

but i went from shit to sugar all on my own, everything i got now i got it on my own, but it aint been easy
 
M

MOSA

Sicc OG
#17
May 18, 2002
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#17
Peace! I feel for you man, I always have my up's and downs but never can say I am depressed or anything...just try to keep that head up as high as you can...see you didnt think anyone gave a fuck in the first place now all your gettin is "LOVE" SEE things are looking better already!If you need someone to listen to you shit hit me up if you like , I'll help wherever I can.......stay up

mosa
 
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