Cut'n'pasted from daveyd.
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NERD’S-EYE VIEW of HIP-HOP
#1
My name is Gyasi, and I, like many other computer geeks, lawyers, accountants, teachers, rabbis, streetside prophets, etc who love hip-hop, but hate the way ignorance is glorified, have had enough!! I mean, I’ve been participating in this hip-hop game for a long time—longer than most of these snotty-nosed little brats with size 9 ¼ baseball caps and cubic zirconias the size of Cuba in their ears have been alive. A lot of the time though, I won’t lie, I take a passive stance toward the buffoonery, watching all these clowns in the industry and all the clowns that write about the clowns in the industry get the game all cockeyed, sideways and effed-up. I can’t take it anymore…so here I go, the nerds-eye view of hip-hop. And please, don’t hate me because I’m smart and beautiful, hate me because I speak in complete sentences without ONCE saying “Knaw I mean??”, know what I’m saying???
1. Since when is getting shot “gangsta”?? I never want to be gangsta, if that’s the case—I mean, I remember my Pops showing me his bullet wounds from Viet Nam when I was a kid, and me thinking “That was stupid—I woulda dipped to Canada” (Actually, I don’t think I thought “dipped” as that was not yet cool…call it “memorial license”). If I couldn’t get with my Pops taking one for the home team when he had no choice (yes, a draftee), I definitely think that 50 Cent, Tupac (I know we deify him because he’s dead, but he bragged about those bullets too) and anybody else that would celebrate getting shot are freakin’ idiots, yo. Myself, I’d brag about successfully dodging bullets, catching them in my teeth a la Bruce Leroy, or even selling them at a tidy profit a la the white cats down the street—but you’d never hear me say —“Five shots couldn't drop me I took it and smiled.” I wouldn’t smile—straight up. I’d cry. With no shame—I have too much to live for; my pension, my nieces and nephews, my computer…
2. Along those same lines, I still don’t understand why someone would talk so openly about their past indictments, offenses, jail time, etc—this seems like the most ungangsta thing you could do. I mean, seriously people, doesn’t having a record mean that you’re a bad criminal?? Even one of my favorite MCs (although one that definitely falls in the “ignorant as hell” ilk, despite his oftentimes-brilliance), Jay-Z talks this nonsense… “It’s just the facts, God bless the cats that think I’m a liar, look at the papers read my priors”…Jay (off the DJ On-Point Mix CD)…WHY??? STOP THE MADNESS!! You’re a multi-gazillionaire…making some of the dopest stuff out there, don’t get caught up like Shyne/Puffy/J-Lo, Rae Carruth, You... Be rich, be square, have sex (a lot) and go on MTV Cribs and then off to sleep. My simple formula. Okay, but this question’s been asked before—I digress…
3. DOO RAGS!!! What’s up with the doo rags on cats with no hair??? Do you guy understand that the rags are utilitarian in nature—they’re for keeping waves fresh, pressing the hair. Alright, dammit, I guess I can understand someone wearing them to keep their braids straight—but what’s the purpose of wearing them for a baldhead?? That would be like a leg amputee wearing socks and shoes…STUPID. Am I ranting…? Should I even proceed to the topic of FEMALES wearing doo rags…?? I can feel you ladies—specifically those of the homosexual variety wanting to assert your cloned testosterone, but damm ma, please don’t copy our bad fashion—we just can’t do our hair as fly as yours. Just because you’re a fur trader and desire the same anatomical treats that we (men) do, don’t emulate everything that we do…(“et tu, Lil’ Kim?”)
4. Okay…people made a big deal about Snoop bringing some sisters out on leashes at the VMAs…yet, believe it or not, I don’t think those leashes were forced upon these sick young ladies. Snoop just played upon their particular medical malady—Please keep in mind, this isn’t to justify Snoop’s role in this idiocy, but rather to shed light on another phenomena—“female attention whoredom”, from the Latin Ilikeimus tobeseenibus soillgladlyraisemyshirtimus ongirlsgonewildibus. If it wasn’t Snoop, they’d be in some terrible video (that I would watch, with Jergens in my hand) by Nelly, or DMX, or any other number of cats that look like sin warmed over—then the bicker and bantering would be about them, as opposed to Mr. Doggy Dogg.
Alright y’all—this is the truth from a thinking man’s hip-hop fan, no chaser, additives or preservatives. I have plenty more where this came from, but I have to go pick up my dress shirts and corduroys from the cleaners.
-----------------------------------
NERD’S-EYE VIEW of HIP-HOP
#1
My name is Gyasi, and I, like many other computer geeks, lawyers, accountants, teachers, rabbis, streetside prophets, etc who love hip-hop, but hate the way ignorance is glorified, have had enough!! I mean, I’ve been participating in this hip-hop game for a long time—longer than most of these snotty-nosed little brats with size 9 ¼ baseball caps and cubic zirconias the size of Cuba in their ears have been alive. A lot of the time though, I won’t lie, I take a passive stance toward the buffoonery, watching all these clowns in the industry and all the clowns that write about the clowns in the industry get the game all cockeyed, sideways and effed-up. I can’t take it anymore…so here I go, the nerds-eye view of hip-hop. And please, don’t hate me because I’m smart and beautiful, hate me because I speak in complete sentences without ONCE saying “Knaw I mean??”, know what I’m saying???
1. Since when is getting shot “gangsta”?? I never want to be gangsta, if that’s the case—I mean, I remember my Pops showing me his bullet wounds from Viet Nam when I was a kid, and me thinking “That was stupid—I woulda dipped to Canada” (Actually, I don’t think I thought “dipped” as that was not yet cool…call it “memorial license”). If I couldn’t get with my Pops taking one for the home team when he had no choice (yes, a draftee), I definitely think that 50 Cent, Tupac (I know we deify him because he’s dead, but he bragged about those bullets too) and anybody else that would celebrate getting shot are freakin’ idiots, yo. Myself, I’d brag about successfully dodging bullets, catching them in my teeth a la Bruce Leroy, or even selling them at a tidy profit a la the white cats down the street—but you’d never hear me say —“Five shots couldn't drop me I took it and smiled.” I wouldn’t smile—straight up. I’d cry. With no shame—I have too much to live for; my pension, my nieces and nephews, my computer…
2. Along those same lines, I still don’t understand why someone would talk so openly about their past indictments, offenses, jail time, etc—this seems like the most ungangsta thing you could do. I mean, seriously people, doesn’t having a record mean that you’re a bad criminal?? Even one of my favorite MCs (although one that definitely falls in the “ignorant as hell” ilk, despite his oftentimes-brilliance), Jay-Z talks this nonsense… “It’s just the facts, God bless the cats that think I’m a liar, look at the papers read my priors”…Jay (off the DJ On-Point Mix CD)…WHY??? STOP THE MADNESS!! You’re a multi-gazillionaire…making some of the dopest stuff out there, don’t get caught up like Shyne/Puffy/J-Lo, Rae Carruth, You... Be rich, be square, have sex (a lot) and go on MTV Cribs and then off to sleep. My simple formula. Okay, but this question’s been asked before—I digress…
3. DOO RAGS!!! What’s up with the doo rags on cats with no hair??? Do you guy understand that the rags are utilitarian in nature—they’re for keeping waves fresh, pressing the hair. Alright, dammit, I guess I can understand someone wearing them to keep their braids straight—but what’s the purpose of wearing them for a baldhead?? That would be like a leg amputee wearing socks and shoes…STUPID. Am I ranting…? Should I even proceed to the topic of FEMALES wearing doo rags…?? I can feel you ladies—specifically those of the homosexual variety wanting to assert your cloned testosterone, but damm ma, please don’t copy our bad fashion—we just can’t do our hair as fly as yours. Just because you’re a fur trader and desire the same anatomical treats that we (men) do, don’t emulate everything that we do…(“et tu, Lil’ Kim?”)
4. Okay…people made a big deal about Snoop bringing some sisters out on leashes at the VMAs…yet, believe it or not, I don’t think those leashes were forced upon these sick young ladies. Snoop just played upon their particular medical malady—Please keep in mind, this isn’t to justify Snoop’s role in this idiocy, but rather to shed light on another phenomena—“female attention whoredom”, from the Latin Ilikeimus tobeseenibus soillgladlyraisemyshirtimus ongirlsgonewildibus. If it wasn’t Snoop, they’d be in some terrible video (that I would watch, with Jergens in my hand) by Nelly, or DMX, or any other number of cats that look like sin warmed over—then the bicker and bantering would be about them, as opposed to Mr. Doggy Dogg.
Alright y’all—this is the truth from a thinking man’s hip-hop fan, no chaser, additives or preservatives. I have plenty more where this came from, but I have to go pick up my dress shirts and corduroys from the cleaners.
