A little Atheist/Agnostic humor

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May 13, 2002
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#1
Stupid things theists have said

Yes, these are real quotes...



"Do atheists worship the devil?"

"The Bible says it, I believe it, that settles it."

"Religion differs from science in that you must believe before you see evidence." -- Steven Timm

"God does not like to be told he does not exist." - Richard Thorneycroft

"...the Bible has always been proven correct in the long run, while there is not a shred of evidence to support it." -- Raoul Arthur Raymond Newt

"1 + 1 may not always equal two, because no one has done it a trillion times yet!" -- Russ Wuertz

"Just because I am willing to debate Christianity does not mean that I am here to learn any truth contrary to my beliefs." --- Kenneth Mcabee

The bible is the word of god, it is fact.."
moments later
"parts of the bible are open to interpretation"

Oh yes, mr on fire...millions of people believed the world was flat. In fact, the church burned people at the stake who didn't believe that it was flat. Didn't stop it from being round, did it?

"You are nothing but a stupid atheist pig, with the IQ of a democrat." --- Christopher Calabrese

"I also know from experience that if a spell is cast on a buddist, a humanist, or any else, the spell my penetrate. But, on a christian, the spell is powerless." --- Jose Gomez

"This would probably explain why YOU have not been allowed to know secrets of the universe... YOU cannot be trusted with the important knowledge." --- George Pope

"I'm not lying. I saw it on Unsolved Mysteries." --- Alan Presley (about the existence of Noah's ark)

"No Evidence. Never had any, never will, don't need any and still I believe. 'Happy are those who have not seen yet believe.'" --- Robert Burke

"Justice was being delivered to a man who defied that gift from the Almighty to the people of Iraq."
G.W. Bush —Washington, D.C., Dec. 15, 2003

''I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe—I believe what I believe is right."
G.W. Bush —Rome, July 22, 2001

gods will never hurt you ethier will god. God saves faithful live, and watches you rot in HELL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111 ---- David Napoli

We need common-sense judges who understand our rights were derived from God; those are the kind of judges I intend to put on the bench." -US President George W. Bush

"Call it closed minded if you must but I call it, Decided. "

"Did you know that modern science is based on the jewish religion?"

"It's OK not to believe in God. He told me He doesn't believe in atheists."

"All you atheists have a SERIOUS problem with taking the bible seriuosly " :cheeky:

"Only a spoiled white boy could read the bible and fail to see God's infinite message"

"Its all a bunch of lies and fairytales and the dinosaurs fossils are manmade fantasies." LOL!!!!!!!!!!!

"if survival of the fittest is true, then why are all those weaklings at the gym, they havent evolved as far as me why arent they dead?" LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"I'm a christian and I think that...ATHEISTS ARE STUPID!! YOU SHOULD LOVE JESUS AND BELIEVE IN THE BIBLE!! ATHEISM IS ONLY A ONE WAY TICKET TO HELL!!! "

"Atheists are stupid low life creatures. God doesn't mind atheists, atleast for now, lol. The day of retribution hasn't come yet. I hope it comes sooner, then i can watch all of them die!"

"99% of the people who believe evolution or anything close to it only do because it is the only way that man can be a superior being. The other 1% is just plain dumb."

"I made a report to the class on Creation Vs. Evolution . . . You know who won . . . Creation . . . evlution is too complicated!!! "

"Why do penguins not fly? Polar bears cannot fly, so wouldn't it be better if a bird could just fly away from its predator?"

"Evolution is not science, its a state funded religion. It's a religious belief that there is no God and that blue green algae somehow with great geologic pressures transformed into an ape and then a human."
 
May 16, 2002
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#5
Did any of you watch that Penn & Teller show on Showtime last week about The Bible?

http://www.sho.com/site/ptbs/topics.do?topic=bible



We'll reveal the many discrepancies and contradictions in the Bible. Why all the confusion? Shouldn't anything that is "divinely inspired" be crystal clear? Did Noah build an ark big enough to hold all those animals? Did Moses part the Red Sea? Did Jesus even exist? We'll take on the most sacred of sacred cows to show that the Bible is about as factual as the National Enquirer. Hey, we're going to burn in hell anyway, why not buy a first class ticket?
 
Apr 25, 2002
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#6
"Do atheists worship the devil?"

THATS RETARTED TO EVEN SAY...THE PROBLEM WITH CHRISTIANS NOW ADAYS IS WE'RE TOO CLOSE-MINDED...WE DONT BOTHER TO LEARN THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ARGUMENT...YOURE BOUND TO LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT WITHOUT INFO...

ON ANOTHER NOTE...WE BELIEVE "EITHER YOURE WITH ME OR AGAINST ME"...THE ONLY THING "AGAINST ME" IS THE DEVIL

"The Bible says it, I believe it, that settles it."

ITS CALLED FAITH BRUH...

"Religion differs from science in that you must believe before you see evidence." -- Steven Timm

I AGREE

"God does not like to be told he does not exist." - Richard Thorneycroft

THATS ANOTHER RETARTED THING TO SAY

"...the Bible has always been proven correct in the long run, while there is not a shred of evidence to support it." -- Raoul Arthur Raymond Newt

HUH?!

"1 + 1 may not always equal two, because no one has done it a trillion times yet!" -- Russ Wuertz

UM...YES IT WILL...YOU GOT SOME IDIOTS QUOTING A RESPECTABLE MATTER

"Just because I am willing to debate Christianity does not mean that I am here to learn any truth contrary to my beliefs." --- Kenneth Mcabee

GODDAMN...

The bible is the word of god, it is fact.."
moments later
"parts of the bible are open to interpretation"

....

Oh yes, mr on fire...millions of people believed the world was flat. In fact, the church burned people at the stake who didn't believe that it was flat. Didn't stop it from being round, did it?

NOPE...MOST PEOPLE INVOLVED IN CHURCH HISTORY AND CHURCH PRESENT ARE IGNORANT...CLOSE-MINDED...YOU CANT REACH A NON-BELIEVER WITHOUT KNOWING THEYRE SIDE OF THE STORY...THESE ARE THE TYPE OF PEOPLE THAT FUCK UP THE CREDABILITY OF THE CHRISTIAN WORLD

"You are nothing but a stupid atheist pig, with the IQ of a democrat." --- Christopher Calabrese

SEE...THATS FUCKIN IGNORANT

"I also know from experience that if a spell is cast on a buddist, a humanist, or any else, the spell my penetrate. But, on a christian, the spell is powerless." --- Jose Gomez

LOL

"This would probably explain why YOU have not been allowed to know secrets of the universe... YOU cannot be trusted with the important knowledge." --- George Pope

I HOPE SOMEBODY PUNCHED HIM RIGHT AFTER HE SAID THAT

"I'm not lying. I saw it on Unsolved Mysteries." --- Alan Presley (about the existence of Noah's ark)

LMAO...EY LOCO...YOU ARE GITTIN SOME IGNORANT MOTHER FUCKERS QUOTES TO MAKE YOUR SIDE LOOK BETTER...THAT AINT FAIR...

"No Evidence. Never had any, never will, don't need any and still I believe. 'Happy are those who have not seen yet believe.'" --- Robert Burke

WHATS WRONG WITH THAT...

"Justice was being delivered to a man who defied that gift from the Almighty to the people of Iraq."
G.W. Bush —Washington, D.C., Dec. 15, 2003

CMON BRO...BUSH?...

''I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe—I believe what I believe is right."
G.W. Bush —Rome, July 22, 2001

CMON BRO...BUSH?...

gods will never hurt you ethier will god. God saves faithful live, and watches you rot in HELL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111 ---- David Napoli

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THAT MEANS...TYPOS LIKE A MUG...

We need common-sense judges who understand our rights were derived from God; those are the kind of judges I intend to put on the bench." -US President George W. Bush

CMON BRO...BUSH?...

"Call it closed minded if you must but I call it, Decided. "

^^^THATS WHAT IM TALKIN BOUT...CLOSED-MINDED EQUALS IGNORANCE...

"Did you know that modern science is based on the jewish religion?"

NOPE DIDNT KNOW THAT...

"It's OK not to believe in God. He told me He doesn't believe in atheists."

LOL...THATS STUPID

"All you atheists have a SERIOUS problem with taking the bible seriuosly " :cheeky:

THATS THE DEFINITION OF ATHEISM...LEARN THE OTHER SIDE BEFORE YOU OPEN YOUR MOUTH...I ALSO BELIEVE ANY NON CHRISTIANS GOT THAT SAME SERIOUS PROBLEM...NO NEED TO TARGET ONE TYPE OF PERSON...

"Only a spoiled white boy could read the bible and fail to see God's infinite message"

WOW...THAT SOUNDS CHRISTIAN...RACIST DUDE...

"Its all a bunch of lies and fairytales and the dinosaurs fossils are manmade fantasies." LOL!!!!!!!!!!!

ILL LAUGH WITH YOU

"if survival of the fittest is true, then why are all those weaklings at the gym, they havent evolved as far as me why arent they dead?" LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOL...

"I'm a christian and I think that...ATHEISTS ARE STUPID!! YOU SHOULD LOVE JESUS AND BELIEVE IN THE BIBLE!! ATHEISM IS ONLY A ONE WAY TICKET TO HELL!!! "

WOW...THAT DUDE MUST HAVE REACHED ALOT OF PEOPLE THAT DAY..."COME TO JESUS OR ELSE YOULL DIE!"

"Atheists are stupid low life creatures. God doesn't mind atheists, atleast for now, lol. The day of retribution hasn't come yet. I hope it comes sooner, then i can watch all of them die!"

ANOTHER GREAT CHRISTIAN DISPLAYING THE WAY A CHRISTIAN SHOULD BE...I KNOW JESUS PROBABLY SAID THAT AT ONE POINT IN HIS LIFE...

"99% of the people who believe evolution or anything close to it only do because it is the only way that man can be a superior being. The other 1% is just plain dumb."

LOL

"I made a report to the class on Creation Vs. Evolution . . . You know who won . . . Creation . . . evlution is too complicated!!! "

I BEG TO DIFFER...CHRISTIANITY IS COMPLICATED...TO HAVE THE NATURAL REACTION TO QUESTION STUFF WITH NO FACTS (AS ALL HUMANS DO) AND HAVE MY BELIEFS IS COMPLICATED...IVE NEVER HAD A DISCUSSION WITH A DARWINIST WHERE I COULD ACTUALLY ANSWER ALL HIS QUESTIONS...YOU CANT EXPLAIN HOW JESUS LOGICALLY WALKED ON WATER...HOW HE TURNED WATER TO WINE...FED OVER 5000 HUNGRY JEWS WITH 5 LOAVES OF BREAD AND 2 FISH...NOW THATS COMPLEX...ME STILL BELIEVING IS COMPLEX...

"Why do penguins not fly? Polar bears cannot fly, so wouldn't it be better if a bird could just fly away from its predator?"

EVOLUTION CANT ANSWER THAT...AINT IT YOUR BELIEFS THAT A CREATURE THROUGH TIME BETTER ADAPTS HIMSELF TO HIS ENVIORNMENT AND THE PRETATORS IT CONTAINS? THATS KINDA ON YOU...

"Evolution is not science, its a state funded religion. It's a religious belief that there is no God and that blue green algae somehow with great geologic pressures transformed into an ape and then a human."

IM SORRY...TO AN EXTENT IM KINDA ONE OF THOSE CLOSE-MINDED CHRISTIANS AND IVE NEVER TRIED TO LEARN SOMETHING I KNOW IS NOT TRUE...AINT THAT WHAT YOU BELIEVE?

YOU SEE...ONE QUESTION THAT EVERY ATHEIST/DARWINIST (I KNOW THEYRE NOT THE SAME BUT IM JUST STATEING THE NON CHRISTIANS THAT TEND TO BELIEVE WITH LOGIC) IS "HOW IS IT THAT THE EARTH HAS BEEN HERE FOR 5 BILLION YEARS [WITH FACTS TO BACK IT] AND YOU SIT HERE AND BELIEVE THAT ITS ONLY MAYBE 6 THOUSAND YEARS OLD?"...CHECK THIS OUT...GOD CREATED EVERYTHING IN 7 DAYS...IS THAT AMERICAN CALENDAR DAYS?...WHAT KIND OF DAYS ARE WE TALKING ABOUT?...WHO ARE WE TO SAY THAT THESE ARE AVERAGE 7 HUMAN DAYS TO A SUPREME BEING?...IS IT POSSIBLE THAT MAYBE A DAY TO GOD IS LIKE A BILLION YEARS?...MAN DID COME ON THE 6TH DAY TOO...EVERY BIBLE FACT FITS YOUR THEORY OF CREATION DONT IT?...ANIMALS CAME BEFORE MAN...HEAVENS [THE SKY] AND EARTH FIRST?...BUT SEE...THE THING ABOUT YOUR THEORY IS...ITS JUST A THEORY...NOT A FACT...A THEORY THAT CANNOT BE PROVEN...TILL YOU COME UP TO ME LIKE " WHATS UP TYPCEE, THIS IS MY HOMEBOY BOB, HES AN ASTROLOPOTHECUS, AND THIS IS HIS COUSIN MIKE, HES A CROMAGNUM MAN"...I CANT FEEL YOU JUST LIKE YOU CANT FEEL ME IF I SAY " EY SIXX, I GOT HEALED THE OTHER DAY CUS SOME GUY IN A SUIT PRAYED FOR ME"...YOU KNOW WHAT IM SAYIN?...YOU CAN TELL ME "HOW DO YOU KNOW GOD IS THERE WHEN YOUVE NEVER SEEN HIM, NEVER TOUCHED HIM, NEVER TASTED HIM, NEVER HEARD HIM, NEVER SMELLED HIM?"...HOW DO YOU KNOW YOURE BRAIN IS THERE WHEN YOUVE NEVER SEEN IT, NEVER TOUCHED IT, NEVER TASTED IT, NEVER HEARD IT, NEVER SMELLED IT?...YOU JUST DO...

YOUR QUOTES FROM A BUNCH OF IGNORANT PEOPLE DONT IMPRESS ME AT ALL...ITS NOT HUMOROUS WHEN YOU PICK A BUNCH OF STUPID MOTHER FUCKERS TO REPRESENT A WHOLE LIFESTYLE (NOT RELIGION)...I MEAN...YOU GOT BUSH ON THERE DAMNIT...$IDEWAYZ
 
May 13, 2002
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Seattle
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#7
MR. TYPCEE said:
YOUR QUOTES FROM A BUNCH OF IGNORANT PEOPLE DONT IMPRESS ME AT ALL...ITS NOT HUMOROUS WHEN YOU PICK A BUNCH OF STUPID MOTHER FUCKERS TO REPRESENT A WHOLE LIFESTYLE (NOT RELIGION)...I MEAN...YOU GOT BUSH ON THERE DAMNIT...$IDEWAYZ
I wasn't trying to impress anyone. This thread is called "Atheist/Agnostic humor". Since there are quite a few atheists and agnostics on the board, it was directed at them to get a good laugh. I didn't expect any theists to find the humor...well, maybe the bush ones.
 
Apr 25, 2002
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#8
CMON BRO...I DONT WANNA SIT HERE AND JUST TYPE ALL THAT SHIT SO YOU CAN SAY "IT WASNT FOR YOU"...DONT TYPE A WHOLE THREAD CALLING OUT A SPECIFIC PERSON AND BE LIKE ITS NOT FOR YOU WHEN THAT SPECIFIC PERSON SPEAKS UPON IT...HIT ME BACK...I TOOK MY TIME TO DISCUSS EVERY SINGLE QUOTE YOU CAME WITH SO HOOK ME UP...$IDEWAYZ