1. A chalk outline of a human body on the sidewalk, and a few copies of The Watchtower scattered around...
2.My mother (a second-generation atheist) used to say (in a very sweet voice): "I'm sorry, I don't give a damn about Jesus." Worked everytime. The missionaries just backed off the porch in slack-jawed, bug-eyed disbelief.
3.more sincere you appear, the more baffled the missionary will be: Answer the door with an automatic weapon and say "Allah be Praised!!!" and just see what happens.
4.The young couple came to my door. I was wearing my robe, and had just awakened. Now let me explain, I am a very unusual looking person anyway, but when I awake, I look like some kind of movie monster, I have hair all over everywhere. I made my eyes real piercing, and stared past them. I knew who they were, you can tell, they look so cute in their getup and their bland faces. Well the female one obviously is supposed to do the introduction because she sort of panicked, and said: "We're...we're...we're..we're....we're...." And then she stared helplessly at the other one and he said: "uh... uh.... uh... uh..."I then did a really fierce grin and stuck out my hand in a very fast gesture, and opened all my fingers, and in a voice sort of a mixture between Peter Lore and Lurch, I said: I... WILL... TAKE... YOUR... LITERATURE... AND... GIVE... IT... TO... MY... MASTER. The male one quickly handed me a copy of whatever rag they were peddling. They did not ask for a donation. They ran. It's a true story, and they never came back.
5.A friend claims that when missionaries knock on her door, her first response is to ask for their address. When they ask why she wants to know, she says it is so she can visit them to push her beliefs. So far, none of them have given their address. It also marks the end of the interview. SLAM!
6.I answer the door with a bloody knife and say, "I'm sorry, could you come back in a half hour? We're not done with the virgin yet."
7. Tell them you would love to talk inside. Have them sit, smile at them while they talk for a couple of minutes, then yell "Shut the fuck up cock suckers! If you ever come in my house again I will stab you six hundred and sixty six times in your fucking head!" Works every time.
2.My mother (a second-generation atheist) used to say (in a very sweet voice): "I'm sorry, I don't give a damn about Jesus." Worked everytime. The missionaries just backed off the porch in slack-jawed, bug-eyed disbelief.
3.more sincere you appear, the more baffled the missionary will be: Answer the door with an automatic weapon and say "Allah be Praised!!!" and just see what happens.
4.The young couple came to my door. I was wearing my robe, and had just awakened. Now let me explain, I am a very unusual looking person anyway, but when I awake, I look like some kind of movie monster, I have hair all over everywhere. I made my eyes real piercing, and stared past them. I knew who they were, you can tell, they look so cute in their getup and their bland faces. Well the female one obviously is supposed to do the introduction because she sort of panicked, and said: "We're...we're...we're..we're....we're...." And then she stared helplessly at the other one and he said: "uh... uh.... uh... uh..."I then did a really fierce grin and stuck out my hand in a very fast gesture, and opened all my fingers, and in a voice sort of a mixture between Peter Lore and Lurch, I said: I... WILL... TAKE... YOUR... LITERATURE... AND... GIVE... IT... TO... MY... MASTER. The male one quickly handed me a copy of whatever rag they were peddling. They did not ask for a donation. They ran. It's a true story, and they never came back.
5.A friend claims that when missionaries knock on her door, her first response is to ask for their address. When they ask why she wants to know, she says it is so she can visit them to push her beliefs. So far, none of them have given their address. It also marks the end of the interview. SLAM!
6.I answer the door with a bloody knife and say, "I'm sorry, could you come back in a half hour? We're not done with the virgin yet."
7. Tell them you would love to talk inside. Have them sit, smile at them while they talk for a couple of minutes, then yell "Shut the fuck up cock suckers! If you ever come in my house again I will stab you six hundred and sixty six times in your fucking head!" Works every time.