30 things I learned from porn.

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caff

Sicc OG
May 10, 2002
17,965
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#1
1. Women wear high heels to bed.
2. Men are never impotent.
3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.
4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.
5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.
6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.
7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.
8. Women always orgasm when men do.
9. A blowjob will always get a woman out of a speeding ticket.
10. All women are noisy cummers.
11. People in the 70's couldn't cum unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.
12. Those tits are real.
13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.
14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.
15. If there is two of them they "high five" each other. (and the girl isn't disgusted!)
16. Double penetration makes women smile.
17. Asian men don't exist.
18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes,the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend's mouth.
19. There's a plot.
20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite her by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.
21. Nurses suck patients cocks.
22. Men always pull out.
23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before fucking the both of you.
24. Women never have headaches... or periods.
25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it".
26. Assholes are clean.
27. A man ejaculating on a womans butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.
28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trousers and find a cock there.
29. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.
30. Dorky guys never have to beg.
 

jr916

Sicc OG
Jun 3, 2006
11,502
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#6
haha.i just noticed "splat"......thats why new one "why dont you cum over and let me "splat" you in the face wit sperm
 

Palmer

RIP SouthernComfort
Apr 10, 2006
4,985
4,812
113
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SEAHAWKS!!!
#13
caffeine said:
14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.
I'm a "FUCK YEAH" type a guy.

caffeine said:
22. Men always pull out.
Fuck that, nothing better than bustin a nut in a chick.

caffeine said:
26. Assholes are clean.
Not always

caffeine said:
27. A man ejaculating on a womans butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.
HAHAHAHA

caffeine said:
29. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.
Yep, you occassionally gotta switch hands though. You know, mix it up a little.
 
Nov 27, 2002
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#14
porno background music always lets u know when its gonna go down.
i have a question would u marry a pornstar knowin she gonna fuck hella more guys an not just you?
Its funny to when in most cases you can always tell the girls look more excited an real when their with another girl.
Porn to me always goes guy gets a blow job,girl gets boobs sucked then pussy licked then she gets it from behind then on her back then she rides then blow job again then the money shot .
 
Nov 27, 2002
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#16
600Francisco said:
yeah the one and only kira kener, in a fuckin second, i don't care how many dudes she did, in a flat muthafuckin second
i'd roll with tia bella or raylene an a few others,But i know for some fools it be hard to watch your wife getin fucked well an maybe better then u do it .
 
Nov 27, 2002
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#17
600Francisco said:
true, true, i don't know if i can handle that but i sure would try!, and if i couldn't then i would get as much sex as possible before divorce papers come up
If i could not handle it,id just stick around to be in the porn industry,Aint nothing wrong with hangin out with ur fav porn stars an watchin them get fucked live an not on dvd then come on siccness an post pics of u smiling all day on set.