Today is the last day to update entries in our Death Pool at work. I need a little help trying to put together a tight squad. I really need some help with my team. All they fucking do is live. I have entered some of these people for the last 3 years and they fuck me every time. So if you have any ideas, help a homie out...
Starting 5
1. Buddy Epson - This fucking guy just won't go. Someone needs to sneak up behind him and yell, "DIE!!!" in his ear. With my luck, the person yelling will burst a blood vessel in their neck while Buddy calls for 911. Die already, you fucking Hillbilly..
2. Bob Hope - Celebrating his 99th birthday yesterday really pissed me the fuck off. I started entering his ass in my death pool three years ago when some newpaper snapped a picture of him looking like death warmed over. Yet he laughs at me by continuing to fucking live.
3. Robert Downey Jr - This guy has cheated death numerous times. Everytime I hear his name on TV, my ears perk up with anticipation of his death. You know sorta like when you hear tires screech, you wait for the crash at the end? Well this sonofabitch tends to dodge death. I swear he has signed a deal with the devil.
4. Abe Vigoda - It is hard to know if this guy is dying or not. He has looked like he was dying for the last 20 years. Hell, when he played, "Fish" on Barney Miller, I thought he was going to be out of there soon.
5. Ronald Reagan - This is a tough one for me to select. I don't wish death on him (I liked "Bedtime for Bonzo") but he is close... oh so close.... Nancy needs to push him down a flight of stairs or something to help me out...
On the Bench
Muhammad Ali - Damn, I hate doing this. He is one of my boyhood idols but I am trying to win money here.
Darryl Strawberry - Hard living, drugs and feeble attempts at suicide continues to push him from the end of the bench. Hell, when he gets out of, "Rehab" he will move into the starting lineup. That guy is going to do himself in, days after leaving his alledged, "Rehab".
Ken Caminiti - The recent turmoil is going to push him over the edge. I just know this guy will be found with either a crack pipe around him or a herion needle sticking out of his arm.
Wiford Bremely - This guy has to die sometime. He won't give me many points because of his age but I need something.. Anything...
Mike Tyson - Iron Mike is going insane right before our eyes. I love the spectacle that is his life. He is on and off his medication. On one of his "off moments" he will sping out attack someone and the police will shoot him dead. Sorta like those animal shows when the Lion gets out of his cage and attacks the trainer. They have to put him down.
Maculey Caulkin - I really need the points from this little bastard. A bad childhood, failed marriage, and his career has turned to shit, all by the ripe old age of 22. Now he needs to finish the cycle and do himself.
ANY OF THE BALDWIN BROTHERS - I can't stand any of these motherfuckers. Especially Alec. I want that guy to do what he promised and leave the country (he said he would leave the country is George W won the Presidency). Plus he gives up a nice POA like Kim Bassinger. Eventhough I believe that she may be a headcase, I still think you stay with that. Anyway, this choice is wishful thinking. I hate this entire clan. I would be happy if a private plane rented by them crashed and got the ENTIRE family all at once. This is my lottery. If that ever happened, I would be the happiest person in America, well me and EVERY other male over the age of 15.
Who am I missing? Any ideas?
Starting 5
1. Buddy Epson - This fucking guy just won't go. Someone needs to sneak up behind him and yell, "DIE!!!" in his ear. With my luck, the person yelling will burst a blood vessel in their neck while Buddy calls for 911. Die already, you fucking Hillbilly..
2. Bob Hope - Celebrating his 99th birthday yesterday really pissed me the fuck off. I started entering his ass in my death pool three years ago when some newpaper snapped a picture of him looking like death warmed over. Yet he laughs at me by continuing to fucking live.
3. Robert Downey Jr - This guy has cheated death numerous times. Everytime I hear his name on TV, my ears perk up with anticipation of his death. You know sorta like when you hear tires screech, you wait for the crash at the end? Well this sonofabitch tends to dodge death. I swear he has signed a deal with the devil.
4. Abe Vigoda - It is hard to know if this guy is dying or not. He has looked like he was dying for the last 20 years. Hell, when he played, "Fish" on Barney Miller, I thought he was going to be out of there soon.
5. Ronald Reagan - This is a tough one for me to select. I don't wish death on him (I liked "Bedtime for Bonzo") but he is close... oh so close.... Nancy needs to push him down a flight of stairs or something to help me out...
On the Bench
Muhammad Ali - Damn, I hate doing this. He is one of my boyhood idols but I am trying to win money here.
Darryl Strawberry - Hard living, drugs and feeble attempts at suicide continues to push him from the end of the bench. Hell, when he gets out of, "Rehab" he will move into the starting lineup. That guy is going to do himself in, days after leaving his alledged, "Rehab".
Ken Caminiti - The recent turmoil is going to push him over the edge. I just know this guy will be found with either a crack pipe around him or a herion needle sticking out of his arm.
Wiford Bremely - This guy has to die sometime. He won't give me many points because of his age but I need something.. Anything...
Mike Tyson - Iron Mike is going insane right before our eyes. I love the spectacle that is his life. He is on and off his medication. On one of his "off moments" he will sping out attack someone and the police will shoot him dead. Sorta like those animal shows when the Lion gets out of his cage and attacks the trainer. They have to put him down.
Maculey Caulkin - I really need the points from this little bastard. A bad childhood, failed marriage, and his career has turned to shit, all by the ripe old age of 22. Now he needs to finish the cycle and do himself.
ANY OF THE BALDWIN BROTHERS - I can't stand any of these motherfuckers. Especially Alec. I want that guy to do what he promised and leave the country (he said he would leave the country is George W won the Presidency). Plus he gives up a nice POA like Kim Bassinger. Eventhough I believe that she may be a headcase, I still think you stay with that. Anyway, this choice is wishful thinking. I hate this entire clan. I would be happy if a private plane rented by them crashed and got the ENTIRE family all at once. This is my lottery. If that ever happened, I would be the happiest person in America, well me and EVERY other male over the age of 15.
Who am I missing? Any ideas?
