THE ULTRA RARE BROWN BIC™ LIGHTER
- Thread starter Grapes Of Wrath
- Start date
Have you seen it yet? It’s truly a vision to behold! The Mythical and Rare Brown Bic Lighter can be tough to find. Called “the Domo Lighter” by some, they only come 1 to every pack of 72 you find at the gas station checkout counter. But it IS there, amidst the other multi-colored Bics, Crickets, butane torches and Ed Hardy lighters. But trust me, there’s a reason that this item is so rare.
I did some research…
Brown Bic Lighters have certain mystical properties to them. Smokes lit by their flames don’t cause cancer or emphysema. In truth they give a minor healing to them, so in effect it helps relieve the bad effects of tobacco lit by inferior, non-rare and mythical lighters.
Fireworks, such as Cherry Bombs, M-80’s and Roman candles, lit by these magnificent flames, carry a more explosive power. Colors explode brighter and more beautiful.
The flame from a Mythical and Rare Brown Bic Lighter can hold a wolverine at bay.
Barbeque grills set aflame by a Domo Lighter make food taste more delicious and juicy. If you hold an 8oz Rib-Eye over a Brown Bic for a about 30-45 seconds, you’ll have a perfect medium rare steak, ready to eat. Just add potatoes and corn.
Cocaine and Heroin cooked up by a flame from these lighters will not only get you super-fuckin-high, but there’s less of a chance of overdosing…but it IS possible, so BE CAREFUL!
If you hold a Brown Bic up at a concert during a slow ballad, the band onstage will do at least 3 encores of your favorite songs. Guaranteed.
The original formula for the lighter fluid found in the Mythical and Rare Brown Bic Lighter was first developed by the Office of Strategic Services (precursor to the CIA) just after the Second World War in 1946. The head scientist in charge of development of the formula was Dr. Cornelius Muffinpuffer (of the South Carolina Muffinpuffers). It’s been said that part of the formula was reverse engineered from substances found at the Roswell Crash Site in New Mexico.
Research and development went on till around 1970, when Dr. Muffinpuffer’s son, Dr. Mordechai Muffinpuffer, took over as head of the division. After his father’s death from lung cancer (Cornelius was a smoker) that year, the younger scientist had something of a religious breakdown. He converted from Southern Baptist to Roman Catholic, and has been rumored to have joined Opus Dei, the deeply devout and fundamentalist sect of Catholicism.
In 1972, the laboratory where the fluid was being developed was burned to the ground, and with it went all the work of the past 26 years. Dr. Muffinpuffer also disappeared, apparently abducted (or perhaps rescued) by agents of the Vatican.
Six years later, the formula resurfaced in the hands of Pope John Paul I. He blessed the fluid with the Spearhead of Destiny and gave it the Papal Stamp of approval (apparently, Pope JP I was also a smoker). In September of that year, the Pope died of mysterious causes, and the formula was once again lost. And for some reason the Spearhead of Destiny came up missing as well…
Somehow, just a few years later, it resurfaced again in the hands of L. Ron Hubbard. After working on it with Tom Cruise and John Travolta, he ditched those retards in favor of his friends and fellow Sci-Fi writers, Robert Heinlein and Isaac Asimov (they were all smokers). But in early 1986, Hubbard died and the formula was again lost.
It was reclaimed again by the US Government and this time locked away at the Iron Mountain Storage Facility with the formula for Coca-Cola and Colonel Sanders “11 Herbs & Spices”. However, sometime in the early 1990’s, a janitor by the name of Thurgood Jenkins stole the research and transported it to the Hotel California, home of the Church of Satan. Anton LaVey was very glad to have access to this lighter fluid, as of course, he was a smoker.
When LaVey died in 1997, it’s been said that he bequeathed the formula, that he had blessed (somehow with the Spearhead of Destiny) to actor Bronson Pinchot…no one knows why. Pichot brought it to the Freemasons when he became a member in 2002. The Masonic Lodge (for obvious reasons) had been trying to get a hold of this magical fluid for some time. After having been blessed by both the Catholic Church and the Church of Satan, as well as the Church of Scientology and possible extraterrestrial origins, the properties of this formula could possibly be more than any one person could handle.
But in 2007, the Masons sold the formula to Societe Bic, the French company responsible for Bic Lighters, to help fund Senator John McCain’s ill fated campaign for the US Presidency.
The R&D Team at Bic immediately recognized the formula as having incredible power. But being the magnanimous company that they are, have decided to share their treasure with the world. So, after 3 years of development to absolutely perfect the substance, they have quietly released their gift to the world.
However, to make sure it doesn’t go to just anyone, they decided to package them in lighters with a less than appealing appearance. Only those who can handle the beauty and power contained in the Mythical and Rare Brown Bic Lighter will recognize them for what they are.
Cuz who the fuck wants a shit-brown lighter anyway? Right?
I did some research…
Brown Bic Lighters have certain mystical properties to them. Smokes lit by their flames don’t cause cancer or emphysema. In truth they give a minor healing to them, so in effect it helps relieve the bad effects of tobacco lit by inferior, non-rare and mythical lighters.
Fireworks, such as Cherry Bombs, M-80’s and Roman candles, lit by these magnificent flames, carry a more explosive power. Colors explode brighter and more beautiful.
The flame from a Mythical and Rare Brown Bic Lighter can hold a wolverine at bay.
Barbeque grills set aflame by a Domo Lighter make food taste more delicious and juicy. If you hold an 8oz Rib-Eye over a Brown Bic for a about 30-45 seconds, you’ll have a perfect medium rare steak, ready to eat. Just add potatoes and corn.
Cocaine and Heroin cooked up by a flame from these lighters will not only get you super-fuckin-high, but there’s less of a chance of overdosing…but it IS possible, so BE CAREFUL!
If you hold a Brown Bic up at a concert during a slow ballad, the band onstage will do at least 3 encores of your favorite songs. Guaranteed.
The original formula for the lighter fluid found in the Mythical and Rare Brown Bic Lighter was first developed by the Office of Strategic Services (precursor to the CIA) just after the Second World War in 1946. The head scientist in charge of development of the formula was Dr. Cornelius Muffinpuffer (of the South Carolina Muffinpuffers). It’s been said that part of the formula was reverse engineered from substances found at the Roswell Crash Site in New Mexico.
Research and development went on till around 1970, when Dr. Muffinpuffer’s son, Dr. Mordechai Muffinpuffer, took over as head of the division. After his father’s death from lung cancer (Cornelius was a smoker) that year, the younger scientist had something of a religious breakdown. He converted from Southern Baptist to Roman Catholic, and has been rumored to have joined Opus Dei, the deeply devout and fundamentalist sect of Catholicism.
In 1972, the laboratory where the fluid was being developed was burned to the ground, and with it went all the work of the past 26 years. Dr. Muffinpuffer also disappeared, apparently abducted (or perhaps rescued) by agents of the Vatican.
Six years later, the formula resurfaced in the hands of Pope John Paul I. He blessed the fluid with the Spearhead of Destiny and gave it the Papal Stamp of approval (apparently, Pope JP I was also a smoker). In September of that year, the Pope died of mysterious causes, and the formula was once again lost. And for some reason the Spearhead of Destiny came up missing as well…
Somehow, just a few years later, it resurfaced again in the hands of L. Ron Hubbard. After working on it with Tom Cruise and John Travolta, he ditched those retards in favor of his friends and fellow Sci-Fi writers, Robert Heinlein and Isaac Asimov (they were all smokers). But in early 1986, Hubbard died and the formula was again lost.
It was reclaimed again by the US Government and this time locked away at the Iron Mountain Storage Facility with the formula for Coca-Cola and Colonel Sanders “11 Herbs & Spices”. However, sometime in the early 1990’s, a janitor by the name of Thurgood Jenkins stole the research and transported it to the Hotel California, home of the Church of Satan. Anton LaVey was very glad to have access to this lighter fluid, as of course, he was a smoker.
When LaVey died in 1997, it’s been said that he bequeathed the formula, that he had blessed (somehow with the Spearhead of Destiny) to actor Bronson Pinchot…no one knows why. Pichot brought it to the Freemasons when he became a member in 2002. The Masonic Lodge (for obvious reasons) had been trying to get a hold of this magical fluid for some time. After having been blessed by both the Catholic Church and the Church of Satan, as well as the Church of Scientology and possible extraterrestrial origins, the properties of this formula could possibly be more than any one person could handle.
But in 2007, the Masons sold the formula to Societe Bic, the French company responsible for Bic Lighters, to help fund Senator John McCain’s ill fated campaign for the US Presidency.
The R&D Team at Bic immediately recognized the formula as having incredible power. But being the magnanimous company that they are, have decided to share their treasure with the world. So, after 3 years of development to absolutely perfect the substance, they have quietly released their gift to the world.
However, to make sure it doesn’t go to just anyone, they decided to package them in lighters with a less than appealing appearance. Only those who can handle the beauty and power contained in the Mythical and Rare Brown Bic Lighter will recognize them for what they are.
Cuz who the fuck wants a shit-brown lighter anyway? Right?
Props:
timebomb
