My friend and me have been emailing these back and forth to each other for the past couple months so I figured I'd compile them all for shits and giggles, enjoy and feel free to add any we missed.
"I hope Wanderlei wins and wins fast, 'cause I gotta go take a crap." -Quinton "Rampage" Jackson during a PRIDE broadcast
"I will beat you into a living death." -Ken Shamrock to Tito Ortiz
"I will knock your hair black." -Ken Shamrock to Tito
"Ken Shamrock is the World's Most Dangerous Man? Maybe behind the wheel of a car." -Don Frye
"Losing is like my ex-wife... it's a bitch, and it takes a bigger man than me to live with it." -Don Frye
"Apparently the only way to kill a lion is by rear naked choke…personally, I'd just kick it in the head.'' –Bas Rutten
"When it started, for a while I was just going on instincts. But then they took head butts away so I had to learn some skills." -Mark Coleman
"Years ago we hardly had anything to eat. Now I earn more money and I see every opponent as a man that tries to put me back to that poorer period. That man has to be eliminated." -Fedor Emelianenko
"Right leg: hospital. Left leg: cemetery." -Cro Cop
"Man, I hate waking up with a dead hooker." -Dan Henderson (No idea what the context of this is)
"I want to fuck… Chuck...er...fight Chuck. Fuck Chuck!" Wanderlei Silva at PrideFC: The Real Deal (1st event in US)
"He spent the night in a hospital, I spent the night at a bar." -BJ Penn (I think after GSP 1)
"My diet is like Atkins, but with the carbs." – BJ Penn
"I was so happy and took out my gum shield and threw it into the crowd, but I am not a good thrower and I hit a lady in the third row in the forehead, who happened to be Caol Uno's mother." -Joachim "Hellboy" Hansen
"I'll fight somebody in my backyard for free, just to see if I'm better than him." -Chuck Liddell
"He kissed me like I'm some kind of homosexual. I'm not gay!" -Heath Herring after KOing his opponent after he kissed him during the staredown.
"I'd like to have an honest fight with an alien. If it had 6 arms, it would be difficult to strike with them, but if it has legs like a human, I could submit it with leg locks." -Ikukisa Minowa
"He beat me fair & square. No, I'm sorry, he beat me fairly squarely" – GSP
"I don't want to lick any butt." – GSP trying to use the term 'kiss ass' after the first Serra fight.
"90 percent of the game is half mental" – Tim Sylvia
"Im the oldest I've ever been, right now" – Tim Sylvia
"How's taste my pee pee pee, ok?" -Andrei Arlovski to Sylvia, who was dating his ex-girlfriend.
"He broke Tim Sylvia's arm…...So what?" –Brock Lesnar on Frank Mir
Rampage: I'm gonna knock him out in the third
Chuck: Well thats gonna be hard when the fight finishes in the first
Rampage: Well if Chuck wants to get knocked out in the first round that's his business.
"I'm starting to get sexually aroused right now. You better get that off." - Tank Abbott watching a replay of his KO of Matua
"My God it sounds like someone beating a water buffalo with a baseball bat." -Bas Rutten on Fedor ground & pounding Heath Herring
"Both of these guys have hearts the size of Tito's fucking head" -Dana White on Florian/Huerta
"He was trying to kick me in the liver, hard. I put up a very hard defense with my leg. It was painful for myself and for him, and I could see that. It was a strike, leg against leg. It was very painful for both of us. I didn't show that it was painful for me, but I could see in his eyes that it was very painful. I could feel he broke a little bit inside. I could feel his weakness at that very moment, and I used it." -Fedor
"Everytime I see my opponent, my body shaking. I crazy you know." -Wanderlei Silva
"I knew I hurt him when he said 'aaaarrgh!'" – GSP on Sean Sherk (funny as shit in GSP's accent)
Interviewer: Did you go college and what degree did you earn?
Cro Cop: Yes.
"He who fights and runs away lives to fight another day and looks like a pussy today." -Tank Abbott
"I went hunting. For bears. With a knife." -Aleksander Emelianenko
"I respect different sexual orientations, but I advise him not to touch me." -Cro Cop
"Go drink your red wine, watch a hockey game and shut the fuck up." -Matt Serra to GSP
Interviewer: In a perfect world, who would Jason Miller like to fight?
Jason "Mayhem" Miller: Myself. Except wearing the opposite color clothes like in Street Fighter II or an all shadow me, like in Double Dragon. I think it would be an exciting fight, because neither of us would quit, and we'd have awesome entrances. Either that, or 11 naked Maxim models in a pit of oil.
"That little fucker hit me with a Hadouken or something." – Nick Diaz on Gomi
"It was no accident what I did to Chris Leben" -Anderson Silva
"I Fight because I can't sing, I can't dance, and it beats working all day. Now ask me a question that doesn't sound so fucking stupid." -Phil Baroni
"I'm the fuckin' man!! I'm the best eva!!" -Baroni
"I trained for this fight by sitting at home and beating my dick all day, helps my hand speed." -Charles "Krazy Horse" Bennett
Bas Rutten: He has a black belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.
Stephen Quadros: Yes, well many of the fighters have a black belt.
Bas Rutten: Yes, but in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu you can't buy your belt like in say, Tae Kwon Do.
Stephen Quadros: Do you have any belts?
Bas Rutten: I have a brown belt in Tae Kwon Do.
"I fight 'em all... men, women, children, retarded people, it doesn't matter. If you hit me, we're gonna fight..." -Krazy Horse
"Speaking of Wanderlei's punkass, muthafucka you shoulda never had touched me! My belt! Look like Congo muthafucka! *Pounds chest* Me Amy, me good gorilla!" -Rampage
"Most of my finishing holds would be illegal in Judo. I'm interested in ending the fight. That was actually taught to me by a dog. I asked, 'What's the best fighting style?' and he said, 'Rough, rough, rough.'" -Gene LeBell
"Left foot goes up, and I go down in history." -Mirko Cro Cop
"Man, I might not be the champ, but goddamn I look good!" -Shonie Carter
"He is gonna find out who Ken Shamrock is, was, and is now!" -Ken Shamrock
"If you're in someone's guard and you can't take a punch from them, then you're a pussy and should stick to grappling." -Phil Baroni
"Who's more popular - my nuts or Forrest Griffin?" -Tito Ortiz
"I wanted to beat him until his nerves stopped working...but I didn't because I'm a nice guy." -Bas Rutten
"I've been fighting since he was in his dad's nut sack." -Renzo Gracie
"There is no such thing as a Matt Lindland fan." -Phil Baroni
“I’m going to knock Steroidoni out.” – Frank Shamrock on Baroni
“It went well, thank you. Bas Rutten is the most handsome man in the world.” -Bas pretending to translate a Japanese fighter
"Have you ever gotten your ass kicked by a black man before? It fucking hurts." -Rampage
"For years I’ve underestimated Tim Sylvia. This time I think I’m gonna be in the minority and pick Tim and his long right hand... Come to think of it, I am a minority." - Din Thomas predicts Sylvia to beat Fedor
"You can bench press 500 pounds, congratulations!! I can kick your ass." -Bas Rutten
"There is not a sports drink formulated by any scientist that will hydrate you more than your own urine. When it comes to fight time, the day of my fight I don't eat a single thing — all I do is drink my own urine until I defecate pure urine. That's how I know that my digestive system is completely empty." -Luke Cummo
"Fuck, you fans know everything. Shit, I'm gonna start looking over my shoulder when I'm jacking off!" -Rampage
Interviewer: Rampage, what do you see in the future outcome of this fight?
Rampage: Man I ain't got no crystal ball, I just got two balls, know what I'm sayin?
"I'm going to hit him so hard he'll be putting his socks on wrong for a week." -Marcus "The Irish Hand Grenade" Davis
"If I shed a tear everytime I got hate mail I'd be dead from dehydration." -Michael Bisping
Stephen Quadros: I am sure he has a few tricks up his sleeve.
Bas Rutten: He's not wearing any sleeves.
Stephen Quadros: Don't even start, Bas.
Tank: Roy Jones Jr. ain't gonna knock out Mike Tyson.
*during the fight, the victor demolishes his hundred pound heavier opposition within minutes*
Jeff Blatnick: Well, seems like Roy Jones Jr. knocked out Tyson after all.
Tank: You can't really compare this to boxing.
Interviewer: Quinton. What do you think Igor (Vovchanchyn) can do to beat you?
Rampage: I think he can knock me the fuck out! That's what I think!
Stephen Quadros: How long have you had that mustache?
Don Frye: Since I was 5. I got it from my mom's side of the family. She's not a pretty woman.
Cro Cop: The guys that are always trying to impress girls by saying 'Hey, I bought a new Ferrari or I bought a new ship.' I will take her to my room and she'll see 30 guns. 15 revolvers.
Cro cop's Manager: And a small dick!
Interviewer: Do you think long hair is coming back in style?
Dan Henderson: Are you making fun of me?
Interviewer: *scared* No…
Announcer: Igor, you just won the IFC championship and 25,000 dollars. How do you feel?
Igor Vovchanchyn: Okay. *gives thumbs up*
"We know only one thing about this guy. That he ate a croissant for breakfast this morning." -Bas Rutten commenting on a new French fighter.
"My favorite fighter is Phil Baroni, and I'm pretty sure he's yours too." -Phil Baroni
"A black belt only covers two inches of your ass, you have to cover the rest." -Royce Gracie
"I'll be back in about three minutes." -Robbie Lawler before defeating his opponent in under ninty seconds.
KJ Noons: I'm gonna knock your punk ass out, then I'm gonna box on one of Gary's (Shaw) boxing shows.
Krazy Horse: I don't think you're gonna make it to that boxing match.
(Krazy Horse won by KO)
Interviewer: Olaf, How many times have you had your nose broken?
Olaf Alfonso: 29 Times.
Interviewer: Well it looks like 30 tonight.
Olaf: Oh, it's not brokent his time. When it's broken I can't smell the sweat from my cup.
"I challenged Coleman and he accepted, he said he'd fight me. I pointed at Baroni and challenged him too, he looked at me with a bewildered look on his face and asked: "Me?", I said "Thats right, you!!" I also challenged Quinton Jackson and he looked at me and said "Me too?", and I responded "If you want some, there is some for you too!" -Wanderlei Silva
"This Jeremy Horn doesn't look like a fighter. He looks like someone who'd be riding a bicycle." -Don Frye
"I love all the fans exept the drunk ones who just boo at everything." -Chris Leben
"Come to my after party, or you can go to Wanderlei's at the hospital." -Henderson after knocking out Wanderlei
"My testosterone level was that of 24 full grown men, they had to send it around to three different laboratories to make sure the doctor wasn't joking." -Bas Rutten
"To all the people who said I would lose.... Fuck you." -Enson Inoue
"I got him with.. what the fuck was that I did?" -Phil Baroni after submitting Nishijima at Pride 32
"Bad pizza is like bad sex. Not that bad." -Matt Serra
"I'm not really sure how he ended up coming up here, to tell you the truth. Once Phil got up here, we were hospitable towards him. We tried to show him some things in training, but the juice just wasn't worth squeezing there. The guy's not real sharp. So I took him out to my farm, showed him a pig and told him it was a short fat horse. He spent the rest of the day trying to get the thing to do cardio. He was pumping TrimSpa pills down its throat. Actually, I think he accidentally dropped some of his special vitamins down its throat because the next morning the thing woke up with a 20-inch bicep. It was rolling around in its own crap, yelling, 'I'm the Oregon Fat Ass! I'm the best eva!" -Matt Lindland on his opponent Phil Baroni.
"My body is my sword, my mind is my blade. Without them I am nothing."
- Lyoto Machida
~And the Mike Goldberg, UFC announcer, section.~
UFC 66:
Ortiz is taking a book out of Chuck's chapter there!
UFC 68
Goldberg: Welcome back, Randy Couture. This fight brought to you by...
*Sylvia gets knocked down in the first 8 seconds*
Rogan: Big right hand! Sylvia is down!
Goldberg: ...Shooter. Starring Mark Wahlberg in theatres next Friday.
UFC 79 Sokoudjou Vs. Machida
Because SOAKoudjou is so highly touted, you almost want to sit back and watch and SOAK it in.
Mike Goldberg: Don't forget coming up next it's Blade the series...plenty of action, violence, vampire sexuality!
Rogan: Vampire sexuality, what's that?
Goldberg: I don't know. It's on the card infront of me. I gotta feed the kids, Joe.
UFC 84 Wanderlei Silva vs Keith Jardine
*After Wanderlei "The Axe Murderer" Silva knocks Keith Jardine out*
"The Iceman is back to his winning ways!"
Ultimate Fighter 2 Finale: "The Dean of Mean" Keith Jardine vs Kerry Schall
"If Jardine's last name were Johnson, the nickname Dean of Mean would make no sense."
Parisyan vs Burkman
Joe Rogan: He's getting instructions in two different languages.
Mike Goldberg: He understands them both!
on Travis Lutter
Mike Goldberg: He's like the Michael Jordan of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu!
Joe Rogan: No, he's not.
Mike Goldberg: Larry Bird?
Joe Rogan: Uhm, no.
Mike Goldberg: Kobe Bryant?
Joe Rogan: ...
Couture vs Gonzaga
Joe Rogan: Here's a beautifull left hook by Gonzaga.
Mike Goldberg: Yup, You can clearly see his nose explode there.
Joe Rogan: I don't think that was it actually, the thing that damaged his nose was in a takedown.
Mike Goldberg: Oh, Gotcha!
Clip of Randy taking Gonzaga down (not the headbutt one)
Goldberg: Oh yeah, you're right, thats it, pardon me.
Rogan: I don't think it was there either, I think it was in another takedown.
Goldberg: Oh.
*Clip of Randy slamming Gonzaga, which caused the broken nose due to a headbutt*
Rogan: I believe this is what caused it, watch as he takes Gonzaga down, they both collide heads, BAM, thats it, right there.
Goldberg: Oh, good call, good call.
on Kenny Florian after taking a groin shot
Goldberg: So you want to be an Ultimate Fighter?!
on "Lil' Evil" Jens Pulver vs. John Lewis
*After "Lil' Evil" Jens Pulver knocked Lewis out*
Goldberg: Lil' Eagle flies again!
TUF 7 Finale
(on Diego Sanchez's conditioning)
Goldberg: It must take a lot of energy just to keep that mean look on his face
on Anderson Silva's striking ability
Goldberg: His precision is...really precise.
Goldberg: He has excellent Muay Pie...Muay Thai.
UFC 92, Decemeber 27, 2008
Goldberg: He has a 2 pound reach advantage.
UFC 94, January 31, 2009
Goldberg: (about Lyoto Machida) ...a 5-0 record in the locker room.
On Demian Maia's jujitsu ability
Goldberg: Maia is the one jujitsu black belt that you do NOT want to go to the ground with!
Goldberg: Ah, the corner's speaking Portugese to Omigawa.
Rogan: That's Japanese. You should know that.
Goldberg: I should have known.
Rogan: Your wife is Japanese.
Goldberg: That is correct.
"I hope Wanderlei wins and wins fast, 'cause I gotta go take a crap." -Quinton "Rampage" Jackson during a PRIDE broadcast
"I will beat you into a living death." -Ken Shamrock to Tito Ortiz
"I will knock your hair black." -Ken Shamrock to Tito
"Ken Shamrock is the World's Most Dangerous Man? Maybe behind the wheel of a car." -Don Frye
"Losing is like my ex-wife... it's a bitch, and it takes a bigger man than me to live with it." -Don Frye
"Apparently the only way to kill a lion is by rear naked choke…personally, I'd just kick it in the head.'' –Bas Rutten
"When it started, for a while I was just going on instincts. But then they took head butts away so I had to learn some skills." -Mark Coleman
"Years ago we hardly had anything to eat. Now I earn more money and I see every opponent as a man that tries to put me back to that poorer period. That man has to be eliminated." -Fedor Emelianenko
"Right leg: hospital. Left leg: cemetery." -Cro Cop
"Man, I hate waking up with a dead hooker." -Dan Henderson (No idea what the context of this is)
"I want to fuck… Chuck...er...fight Chuck. Fuck Chuck!" Wanderlei Silva at PrideFC: The Real Deal (1st event in US)
"He spent the night in a hospital, I spent the night at a bar." -BJ Penn (I think after GSP 1)
"My diet is like Atkins, but with the carbs." – BJ Penn
"I was so happy and took out my gum shield and threw it into the crowd, but I am not a good thrower and I hit a lady in the third row in the forehead, who happened to be Caol Uno's mother." -Joachim "Hellboy" Hansen
"I'll fight somebody in my backyard for free, just to see if I'm better than him." -Chuck Liddell
"He kissed me like I'm some kind of homosexual. I'm not gay!" -Heath Herring after KOing his opponent after he kissed him during the staredown.
"I'd like to have an honest fight with an alien. If it had 6 arms, it would be difficult to strike with them, but if it has legs like a human, I could submit it with leg locks." -Ikukisa Minowa
"He beat me fair & square. No, I'm sorry, he beat me fairly squarely" – GSP
"I don't want to lick any butt." – GSP trying to use the term 'kiss ass' after the first Serra fight.
"90 percent of the game is half mental" – Tim Sylvia
"Im the oldest I've ever been, right now" – Tim Sylvia
"How's taste my pee pee pee, ok?" -Andrei Arlovski to Sylvia, who was dating his ex-girlfriend.
"He broke Tim Sylvia's arm…...So what?" –Brock Lesnar on Frank Mir
Rampage: I'm gonna knock him out in the third
Chuck: Well thats gonna be hard when the fight finishes in the first
Rampage: Well if Chuck wants to get knocked out in the first round that's his business.
"I'm starting to get sexually aroused right now. You better get that off." - Tank Abbott watching a replay of his KO of Matua
"My God it sounds like someone beating a water buffalo with a baseball bat." -Bas Rutten on Fedor ground & pounding Heath Herring
"Both of these guys have hearts the size of Tito's fucking head" -Dana White on Florian/Huerta
"He was trying to kick me in the liver, hard. I put up a very hard defense with my leg. It was painful for myself and for him, and I could see that. It was a strike, leg against leg. It was very painful for both of us. I didn't show that it was painful for me, but I could see in his eyes that it was very painful. I could feel he broke a little bit inside. I could feel his weakness at that very moment, and I used it." -Fedor
"Everytime I see my opponent, my body shaking. I crazy you know." -Wanderlei Silva
"I knew I hurt him when he said 'aaaarrgh!'" – GSP on Sean Sherk (funny as shit in GSP's accent)
Interviewer: Did you go college and what degree did you earn?
Cro Cop: Yes.
"He who fights and runs away lives to fight another day and looks like a pussy today." -Tank Abbott
"I went hunting. For bears. With a knife." -Aleksander Emelianenko
"I respect different sexual orientations, but I advise him not to touch me." -Cro Cop
"Go drink your red wine, watch a hockey game and shut the fuck up." -Matt Serra to GSP
Interviewer: In a perfect world, who would Jason Miller like to fight?
Jason "Mayhem" Miller: Myself. Except wearing the opposite color clothes like in Street Fighter II or an all shadow me, like in Double Dragon. I think it would be an exciting fight, because neither of us would quit, and we'd have awesome entrances. Either that, or 11 naked Maxim models in a pit of oil.
"That little fucker hit me with a Hadouken or something." – Nick Diaz on Gomi
"It was no accident what I did to Chris Leben" -Anderson Silva
"I Fight because I can't sing, I can't dance, and it beats working all day. Now ask me a question that doesn't sound so fucking stupid." -Phil Baroni
"I'm the fuckin' man!! I'm the best eva!!" -Baroni
"I trained for this fight by sitting at home and beating my dick all day, helps my hand speed." -Charles "Krazy Horse" Bennett
Bas Rutten: He has a black belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.
Stephen Quadros: Yes, well many of the fighters have a black belt.
Bas Rutten: Yes, but in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu you can't buy your belt like in say, Tae Kwon Do.
Stephen Quadros: Do you have any belts?
Bas Rutten: I have a brown belt in Tae Kwon Do.
"I fight 'em all... men, women, children, retarded people, it doesn't matter. If you hit me, we're gonna fight..." -Krazy Horse
"Speaking of Wanderlei's punkass, muthafucka you shoulda never had touched me! My belt! Look like Congo muthafucka! *Pounds chest* Me Amy, me good gorilla!" -Rampage
"Most of my finishing holds would be illegal in Judo. I'm interested in ending the fight. That was actually taught to me by a dog. I asked, 'What's the best fighting style?' and he said, 'Rough, rough, rough.'" -Gene LeBell
"Left foot goes up, and I go down in history." -Mirko Cro Cop
"Man, I might not be the champ, but goddamn I look good!" -Shonie Carter
"He is gonna find out who Ken Shamrock is, was, and is now!" -Ken Shamrock
"If you're in someone's guard and you can't take a punch from them, then you're a pussy and should stick to grappling." -Phil Baroni
"Who's more popular - my nuts or Forrest Griffin?" -Tito Ortiz
"I wanted to beat him until his nerves stopped working...but I didn't because I'm a nice guy." -Bas Rutten
"I've been fighting since he was in his dad's nut sack." -Renzo Gracie
"There is no such thing as a Matt Lindland fan." -Phil Baroni
“I’m going to knock Steroidoni out.” – Frank Shamrock on Baroni
“It went well, thank you. Bas Rutten is the most handsome man in the world.” -Bas pretending to translate a Japanese fighter
"Have you ever gotten your ass kicked by a black man before? It fucking hurts." -Rampage
"For years I’ve underestimated Tim Sylvia. This time I think I’m gonna be in the minority and pick Tim and his long right hand... Come to think of it, I am a minority." - Din Thomas predicts Sylvia to beat Fedor
"You can bench press 500 pounds, congratulations!! I can kick your ass." -Bas Rutten
"There is not a sports drink formulated by any scientist that will hydrate you more than your own urine. When it comes to fight time, the day of my fight I don't eat a single thing — all I do is drink my own urine until I defecate pure urine. That's how I know that my digestive system is completely empty." -Luke Cummo
"Fuck, you fans know everything. Shit, I'm gonna start looking over my shoulder when I'm jacking off!" -Rampage
Interviewer: Rampage, what do you see in the future outcome of this fight?
Rampage: Man I ain't got no crystal ball, I just got two balls, know what I'm sayin?
"I'm going to hit him so hard he'll be putting his socks on wrong for a week." -Marcus "The Irish Hand Grenade" Davis
"If I shed a tear everytime I got hate mail I'd be dead from dehydration." -Michael Bisping
Stephen Quadros: I am sure he has a few tricks up his sleeve.
Bas Rutten: He's not wearing any sleeves.
Stephen Quadros: Don't even start, Bas.
Tank: Roy Jones Jr. ain't gonna knock out Mike Tyson.
*during the fight, the victor demolishes his hundred pound heavier opposition within minutes*
Jeff Blatnick: Well, seems like Roy Jones Jr. knocked out Tyson after all.
Tank: You can't really compare this to boxing.
Interviewer: Quinton. What do you think Igor (Vovchanchyn) can do to beat you?
Rampage: I think he can knock me the fuck out! That's what I think!
Stephen Quadros: How long have you had that mustache?
Don Frye: Since I was 5. I got it from my mom's side of the family. She's not a pretty woman.
Cro Cop: The guys that are always trying to impress girls by saying 'Hey, I bought a new Ferrari or I bought a new ship.' I will take her to my room and she'll see 30 guns. 15 revolvers.
Cro cop's Manager: And a small dick!
Interviewer: Do you think long hair is coming back in style?
Dan Henderson: Are you making fun of me?
Interviewer: *scared* No…
Announcer: Igor, you just won the IFC championship and 25,000 dollars. How do you feel?
Igor Vovchanchyn: Okay. *gives thumbs up*
"We know only one thing about this guy. That he ate a croissant for breakfast this morning." -Bas Rutten commenting on a new French fighter.
"My favorite fighter is Phil Baroni, and I'm pretty sure he's yours too." -Phil Baroni
"A black belt only covers two inches of your ass, you have to cover the rest." -Royce Gracie
"I'll be back in about three minutes." -Robbie Lawler before defeating his opponent in under ninty seconds.
KJ Noons: I'm gonna knock your punk ass out, then I'm gonna box on one of Gary's (Shaw) boxing shows.
Krazy Horse: I don't think you're gonna make it to that boxing match.
(Krazy Horse won by KO)
Interviewer: Olaf, How many times have you had your nose broken?
Olaf Alfonso: 29 Times.
Interviewer: Well it looks like 30 tonight.
Olaf: Oh, it's not brokent his time. When it's broken I can't smell the sweat from my cup.
"I challenged Coleman and he accepted, he said he'd fight me. I pointed at Baroni and challenged him too, he looked at me with a bewildered look on his face and asked: "Me?", I said "Thats right, you!!" I also challenged Quinton Jackson and he looked at me and said "Me too?", and I responded "If you want some, there is some for you too!" -Wanderlei Silva
"This Jeremy Horn doesn't look like a fighter. He looks like someone who'd be riding a bicycle." -Don Frye
"I love all the fans exept the drunk ones who just boo at everything." -Chris Leben
"Come to my after party, or you can go to Wanderlei's at the hospital." -Henderson after knocking out Wanderlei
"My testosterone level was that of 24 full grown men, they had to send it around to three different laboratories to make sure the doctor wasn't joking." -Bas Rutten
"To all the people who said I would lose.... Fuck you." -Enson Inoue
"I got him with.. what the fuck was that I did?" -Phil Baroni after submitting Nishijima at Pride 32
"Bad pizza is like bad sex. Not that bad." -Matt Serra
"I'm not really sure how he ended up coming up here, to tell you the truth. Once Phil got up here, we were hospitable towards him. We tried to show him some things in training, but the juice just wasn't worth squeezing there. The guy's not real sharp. So I took him out to my farm, showed him a pig and told him it was a short fat horse. He spent the rest of the day trying to get the thing to do cardio. He was pumping TrimSpa pills down its throat. Actually, I think he accidentally dropped some of his special vitamins down its throat because the next morning the thing woke up with a 20-inch bicep. It was rolling around in its own crap, yelling, 'I'm the Oregon Fat Ass! I'm the best eva!" -Matt Lindland on his opponent Phil Baroni.
"My body is my sword, my mind is my blade. Without them I am nothing."
- Lyoto Machida
~And the Mike Goldberg, UFC announcer, section.~
UFC 66:
Ortiz is taking a book out of Chuck's chapter there!
UFC 68
Goldberg: Welcome back, Randy Couture. This fight brought to you by...
*Sylvia gets knocked down in the first 8 seconds*
Rogan: Big right hand! Sylvia is down!
Goldberg: ...Shooter. Starring Mark Wahlberg in theatres next Friday.
UFC 79 Sokoudjou Vs. Machida
Because SOAKoudjou is so highly touted, you almost want to sit back and watch and SOAK it in.
Mike Goldberg: Don't forget coming up next it's Blade the series...plenty of action, violence, vampire sexuality!
Rogan: Vampire sexuality, what's that?
Goldberg: I don't know. It's on the card infront of me. I gotta feed the kids, Joe.
UFC 84 Wanderlei Silva vs Keith Jardine
*After Wanderlei "The Axe Murderer" Silva knocks Keith Jardine out*
"The Iceman is back to his winning ways!"
Ultimate Fighter 2 Finale: "The Dean of Mean" Keith Jardine vs Kerry Schall
"If Jardine's last name were Johnson, the nickname Dean of Mean would make no sense."
Parisyan vs Burkman
Joe Rogan: He's getting instructions in two different languages.
Mike Goldberg: He understands them both!
on Travis Lutter
Mike Goldberg: He's like the Michael Jordan of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu!
Joe Rogan: No, he's not.
Mike Goldberg: Larry Bird?
Joe Rogan: Uhm, no.
Mike Goldberg: Kobe Bryant?
Joe Rogan: ...
Couture vs Gonzaga
Joe Rogan: Here's a beautifull left hook by Gonzaga.
Mike Goldberg: Yup, You can clearly see his nose explode there.
Joe Rogan: I don't think that was it actually, the thing that damaged his nose was in a takedown.
Mike Goldberg: Oh, Gotcha!
Clip of Randy taking Gonzaga down (not the headbutt one)
Goldberg: Oh yeah, you're right, thats it, pardon me.
Rogan: I don't think it was there either, I think it was in another takedown.
Goldberg: Oh.
*Clip of Randy slamming Gonzaga, which caused the broken nose due to a headbutt*
Rogan: I believe this is what caused it, watch as he takes Gonzaga down, they both collide heads, BAM, thats it, right there.
Goldberg: Oh, good call, good call.
on Kenny Florian after taking a groin shot
Goldberg: So you want to be an Ultimate Fighter?!
on "Lil' Evil" Jens Pulver vs. John Lewis
*After "Lil' Evil" Jens Pulver knocked Lewis out*
Goldberg: Lil' Eagle flies again!
TUF 7 Finale
(on Diego Sanchez's conditioning)
Goldberg: It must take a lot of energy just to keep that mean look on his face
on Anderson Silva's striking ability
Goldberg: His precision is...really precise.
Goldberg: He has excellent Muay Pie...Muay Thai.
UFC 92, Decemeber 27, 2008
Goldberg: He has a 2 pound reach advantage.
UFC 94, January 31, 2009
Goldberg: (about Lyoto Machida) ...a 5-0 record in the locker room.
On Demian Maia's jujitsu ability
Goldberg: Maia is the one jujitsu black belt that you do NOT want to go to the ground with!
Goldberg: Ah, the corner's speaking Portugese to Omigawa.
Rogan: That's Japanese. You should know that.
Goldberg: I should have known.
Rogan: Your wife is Japanese.
Goldberg: That is correct.
