Introducing the Bill Brasky of the NBA: David Joshua Harrison
8/15/05
by Trennis
Bio:
With this submission Trennis becomes the third former member of the Colorado Buffaloes men's basketball team to write an article. He is also the fourth Colorado Buffalo to be prominently featured on this site, since David Harrison has twice appeared via his ass goiter and mohawk. Trennis and Karl Malone share a common appreciation for the finer things in life...like F-150 pickup trucks. FYI Trennis spent the entire weekend of DJ's wedding tooling around around Orange County in. (The staff of deadlyhippos apologizes for using the phrase FYI).
____________________________________
In respect to my mentor (and “older brother”) Dennis Harrison Jr. and my Black brother with a Caucasian shell, JT’s article on deadlyhippos.com entitled, “Bill Brasky lives on”, I believe there is a Bill Brasky in our community and it is not the man that is rumored to have once scissor-kicked Angela Landsbury. The man I am speaking about is one David Joshua Harrison. The young Mr. Harrison is well known throughout many parts (specifically Nashville, TN, Austin, TX, Boulder, CO, and Indianapolis, IN) to be a brash human being that will hold his tongue or fists for no man, woman, child, dog, mailbox, newspaper dispenser, car airbag or glove compartment, door (front, car, or closet), basically anything that he feels is impeding his progress. I have been witness to many of these “happenings” and unlike the original Bill Brasky (whose stories can be far fetched at times); these stories are to true as one Robert Kelly is to urinating on 12 year olds, i.e. they go hand-in-hand (the SAT should consider using that analogy). Below are some of the situations that I have witnessed my best friend in the world do. Observing these circumstances didn’t really make you upset, as much as it made you think: “Wow…..I can’t believe he jus…….wow.”
Situations:
David once told his college coach to “Do your fucking job” when he felt that he was being slighted by the referees in a basketball contest. The coach’s response was that he “better take that shit to the league.” In retrospect, this response makes no sense. A man (one of your “employees”) curses at you while you are working your job and you tell him to go to a place where they pay you more and treat you better, I’m still confused…
One time at a strip club a stripper approached him at his table and said “What’s up with the tips?” obviously requesting a few dollars from him. He responded, “What’s up with the head?” She then said, “Oh…that’s fucked up...” The intoxicated Harrison said, “Yes, I am fucked up.”
When driving cross-country the agitated and lost Harrison pressed his OnStar button to request directions and assistance. After receiving directions from the OnStar attendant, she commented that Mr. Harrison’s vehicle was traveling at excessive speeds and asked that he slow down. Instead of saying yes and traveling on his way, he told the lady, “Why don’t you stay the fuck out of my business...?”
When celebrating his 21st birthday, David was in the roof-top section of a bar named “The Foundry.” While standing with one of his female friends, a fan of his said, “Hey Harrison.” The incredibly smashed Harrison picked the man up by his shoulders and attempted to throw him off the balcony. I quickly approached and asked him what he was doing. He asked me, “Do you know this fucker?” speaking of his now trembling victim. I swiftly said “yes” and Harrison kindly put him down, but not before telling him, “You’re lucky.”
On the same birthday night, I escorted an inebriated David out of the aforementioned club. We had not walked 15 feet before he turned to his left, almost like someone had said something to him. The only thing was that there was no one to his left, only a collection of newly filled newspaper dispensers. He lunged at the middle one that was red and filled with a local Boulder, CO. paper named the “Daily Camera.” He proceeded to punch and kick the innocent distributor until I was able to pull him away. I immediately asked him, “Why did you do that?” He then told me that the Daily Camera newspaper dispenser “was talking shit.”
Later that night in the car, I stopped at a red light where a “No Turn on Red” sign was posted, and waited for a green light to proceed. Please consider that my dear friend had consumed 23 shots of alcohol (he says 27) that night and we were trying to get home without any further damage to the Boulder community. I had turned the music off and put the windows down so as not to further anger the already agitated Harrison. As we stood at the light there was a car behind us, consisting of two males holding a conversation. Due to the fact that the windows were down and music off, we could slightly hear the sounds of their voices. David turned to me and said, “What the fuck are they talking about, I think they are talking shit.” He attempted to leave the car and at that very moment God smiled on us and turned the light green, narrowly avoiding yet another situation.
As we pulled up to our residence, David started to violently unload some of the refreshments that he had enjoyed that night. While throwing up, he began to strip his clothes off until he was down to his boxers, which I remember being completely ripped down one side. I recall thinking, “Why doesn’t he just throw them away?”, but that’s another story. Once he finished, he proceeded downstairs to his room and it was not 10 seconds before he began beating on his closet door and repeatedly saying, “I’m not a pussy.” Apparently the closet door, though it took a beating and had to be retired that following morning, won the battle that night, as Harrison fell asleep during the fight.
One night in college, I was in my room and suddenly there was a loud banging on the front door. I figured whoever it was would stop or use their provided key. It became obvious that it was Harrison, who apparently had lost his key. He began to kick the door until the deadbolt went through the doorframe. Now watching this from the staircase, I was witness to him entering the house and commenting, “Somebody needs to stop locking the fucking door.”
He once got into an altercation with a homeless man. David began berating the “down on his luck fellow” as he walked from bar to bar one summer night. We entered one drinking establishment, to re-emerge 2 hours later. The homeless man was now seating Indian style (feathers) outside the bar, but he now was accompanied by a stick that he had obviously procured from the tree that was next to him. David immediately walked up to him and grabbed him by the arm. For those of you who are familiar to the way that African-American parents react to their children acting up in a southern Baptist church, David grabbed this man in that fashion. He looked him in the eyes and said, “You need to calm down, you understand me?” The homeless man shook his head in agreement and quickly scurried away.
Once, outside of a bar, a girl mistook Harrison for a tree. She began to climb his 7 foot body (actually 6’10, but who's counting) and almost reached the top of the mountain. She began to lose grip and slip and Harrison, finally deciding that he did not like being clambered upon, took one step backwards, causing her to fall to the pavement. The sound of her hitting the concrete back first was loud and resonated throughout the 2 block radius, known affectionately in Boulder as “The Hill”. As she writhed in pain and attempted to get her ass off the ground, Harrison walked off and commented, “Bet she won’t do that again.”
David’s restraining order for the United Spirit Arena in Lubbock, Texas has recently been lifted. The restraining order was placed because an altercation in which Harrison was ejected from a game against Texas Tech and when he (finally) left the court and was in the locker room one of the bathroom stalls began “talking shit” to him, similar to that of the red newspaper dispenser. David demolished the stall and was ordered to pay for the fixing of it. He refused to pay for it because the officers and the administrators at the arena refused to give him the broken stall. His comment was, “Whenever I buy something, I get to take it home. If this stall needs to be replaced as you say, then I expect to be able to take it home with me, especially if I have to pay for it.”
8/15/05
by Trennis
Bio:
With this submission Trennis becomes the third former member of the Colorado Buffaloes men's basketball team to write an article. He is also the fourth Colorado Buffalo to be prominently featured on this site, since David Harrison has twice appeared via his ass goiter and mohawk. Trennis and Karl Malone share a common appreciation for the finer things in life...like F-150 pickup trucks. FYI Trennis spent the entire weekend of DJ's wedding tooling around around Orange County in. (The staff of deadlyhippos apologizes for using the phrase FYI).
____________________________________
In respect to my mentor (and “older brother”) Dennis Harrison Jr. and my Black brother with a Caucasian shell, JT’s article on deadlyhippos.com entitled, “Bill Brasky lives on”, I believe there is a Bill Brasky in our community and it is not the man that is rumored to have once scissor-kicked Angela Landsbury. The man I am speaking about is one David Joshua Harrison. The young Mr. Harrison is well known throughout many parts (specifically Nashville, TN, Austin, TX, Boulder, CO, and Indianapolis, IN) to be a brash human being that will hold his tongue or fists for no man, woman, child, dog, mailbox, newspaper dispenser, car airbag or glove compartment, door (front, car, or closet), basically anything that he feels is impeding his progress. I have been witness to many of these “happenings” and unlike the original Bill Brasky (whose stories can be far fetched at times); these stories are to true as one Robert Kelly is to urinating on 12 year olds, i.e. they go hand-in-hand (the SAT should consider using that analogy). Below are some of the situations that I have witnessed my best friend in the world do. Observing these circumstances didn’t really make you upset, as much as it made you think: “Wow…..I can’t believe he jus…….wow.”
Situations:
David once told his college coach to “Do your fucking job” when he felt that he was being slighted by the referees in a basketball contest. The coach’s response was that he “better take that shit to the league.” In retrospect, this response makes no sense. A man (one of your “employees”) curses at you while you are working your job and you tell him to go to a place where they pay you more and treat you better, I’m still confused…
One time at a strip club a stripper approached him at his table and said “What’s up with the tips?” obviously requesting a few dollars from him. He responded, “What’s up with the head?” She then said, “Oh…that’s fucked up...” The intoxicated Harrison said, “Yes, I am fucked up.”
When driving cross-country the agitated and lost Harrison pressed his OnStar button to request directions and assistance. After receiving directions from the OnStar attendant, she commented that Mr. Harrison’s vehicle was traveling at excessive speeds and asked that he slow down. Instead of saying yes and traveling on his way, he told the lady, “Why don’t you stay the fuck out of my business...?”
When celebrating his 21st birthday, David was in the roof-top section of a bar named “The Foundry.” While standing with one of his female friends, a fan of his said, “Hey Harrison.” The incredibly smashed Harrison picked the man up by his shoulders and attempted to throw him off the balcony. I quickly approached and asked him what he was doing. He asked me, “Do you know this fucker?” speaking of his now trembling victim. I swiftly said “yes” and Harrison kindly put him down, but not before telling him, “You’re lucky.”
On the same birthday night, I escorted an inebriated David out of the aforementioned club. We had not walked 15 feet before he turned to his left, almost like someone had said something to him. The only thing was that there was no one to his left, only a collection of newly filled newspaper dispensers. He lunged at the middle one that was red and filled with a local Boulder, CO. paper named the “Daily Camera.” He proceeded to punch and kick the innocent distributor until I was able to pull him away. I immediately asked him, “Why did you do that?” He then told me that the Daily Camera newspaper dispenser “was talking shit.”
Later that night in the car, I stopped at a red light where a “No Turn on Red” sign was posted, and waited for a green light to proceed. Please consider that my dear friend had consumed 23 shots of alcohol (he says 27) that night and we were trying to get home without any further damage to the Boulder community. I had turned the music off and put the windows down so as not to further anger the already agitated Harrison. As we stood at the light there was a car behind us, consisting of two males holding a conversation. Due to the fact that the windows were down and music off, we could slightly hear the sounds of their voices. David turned to me and said, “What the fuck are they talking about, I think they are talking shit.” He attempted to leave the car and at that very moment God smiled on us and turned the light green, narrowly avoiding yet another situation.
As we pulled up to our residence, David started to violently unload some of the refreshments that he had enjoyed that night. While throwing up, he began to strip his clothes off until he was down to his boxers, which I remember being completely ripped down one side. I recall thinking, “Why doesn’t he just throw them away?”, but that’s another story. Once he finished, he proceeded downstairs to his room and it was not 10 seconds before he began beating on his closet door and repeatedly saying, “I’m not a pussy.” Apparently the closet door, though it took a beating and had to be retired that following morning, won the battle that night, as Harrison fell asleep during the fight.
One night in college, I was in my room and suddenly there was a loud banging on the front door. I figured whoever it was would stop or use their provided key. It became obvious that it was Harrison, who apparently had lost his key. He began to kick the door until the deadbolt went through the doorframe. Now watching this from the staircase, I was witness to him entering the house and commenting, “Somebody needs to stop locking the fucking door.”
He once got into an altercation with a homeless man. David began berating the “down on his luck fellow” as he walked from bar to bar one summer night. We entered one drinking establishment, to re-emerge 2 hours later. The homeless man was now seating Indian style (feathers) outside the bar, but he now was accompanied by a stick that he had obviously procured from the tree that was next to him. David immediately walked up to him and grabbed him by the arm. For those of you who are familiar to the way that African-American parents react to their children acting up in a southern Baptist church, David grabbed this man in that fashion. He looked him in the eyes and said, “You need to calm down, you understand me?” The homeless man shook his head in agreement and quickly scurried away.
Once, outside of a bar, a girl mistook Harrison for a tree. She began to climb his 7 foot body (actually 6’10, but who's counting) and almost reached the top of the mountain. She began to lose grip and slip and Harrison, finally deciding that he did not like being clambered upon, took one step backwards, causing her to fall to the pavement. The sound of her hitting the concrete back first was loud and resonated throughout the 2 block radius, known affectionately in Boulder as “The Hill”. As she writhed in pain and attempted to get her ass off the ground, Harrison walked off and commented, “Bet she won’t do that again.”
David’s restraining order for the United Spirit Arena in Lubbock, Texas has recently been lifted. The restraining order was placed because an altercation in which Harrison was ejected from a game against Texas Tech and when he (finally) left the court and was in the locker room one of the bathroom stalls began “talking shit” to him, similar to that of the red newspaper dispenser. David demolished the stall and was ordered to pay for the fixing of it. He refused to pay for it because the officers and the administrators at the arena refused to give him the broken stall. His comment was, “Whenever I buy something, I get to take it home. If this stall needs to be replaced as you say, then I expect to be able to take it home with me, especially if I have to pay for it.”