Life altering events

I drank everyday, I moved in with an alcoholic, I stopped drinking.

Life has a funny way of putting things in front of you that can be taken as a reflection of yourself, it's up to you to have the courage and determination to want to change your life.

And WTF is wrong with tacos and tiddies? If you feel something is wrong with tacos and tiddies then you seriously need to reevaluate what you hold dear to you in this world.

THAT'S THE EXPERIENCE ONE CALLS LIFE. IF THINGS DIDNT OPEN OUR EYES OR CHANGE OUR PERSPECTIVE. WE WOULD BE LIKE A TRAIN ON IT'S TRACKS.

AND GO THROUGH LIFE LIKE ROBOTS..

SOMETIMES IT TAKES POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE EXPERIENCES, TO GIVE US A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE.

ME PERSONALLY I'M IN THE TOUGHEST SPOT I HAVE EVER BEEN IN MY LIFE. AND I THOUGHT THINGS PREVIOUSLY, WERE BAD.

IT WENT FROM BAD TO WORSE. BUT DESPITE THAT,I'M FINDING PEACE.

AND I'M SEEING HOW THINGS HAVE A WAY OF WORKING OUT ONE WAY OR ANOTHER. BEING POSITIVE IS A BIG FACTOR THOUGH.

ESPECIALLY TO KEEP FROM LETTING NEGATIVE THOUGHTS DICTATE YOUR ACTIONS. NEGATIVITY JUST CONVOLUTES THINGS WORSE.

STAY UP MAN...

i had a very similar experience around 7-8 years ago. I had grown up a muslim, to the point where islam had explained the very fabric and foundation of everything . It defined space, it defined time, it defined purpose.

and then i went through a phase in my life where i was expanding my awareness.


needless to say, eventually my whole world collapsed man. I had come to see how everything i have ever experienced was based on subjective/relative beliefs and that it was as real as a relative reality alone.
And even now where i am not a muslim, i can still see how all my views are all relative. If not relative to preconceived notions of life, they are relative to my sensory experience.

when the lightbulb had gone off in my head, there was a deep sense of fear. I am not sure for what the fear was ACTUALLY for, but at the time i was so confused and knew that "satan" could have tricked me and now i am destined to burn in hell for eternity if i die before i repent/convert back into islam. I was frozen for around 3 months until the feeling had settled a bit.
As soon as it settled a bit and i got accustomed to it, i had for the first time admitted to myself "I am not a muslim" and by doing this, i had adjusted my belief and from it my perception shifted, and then suddenly everything that supported why that belief system was 'invalid' came to light full blown.

i had suffered for 3 months straight but until i acknowledged what i was feeling, did a complete 180 take place in 3 days only.
And when that 180 took place, suddenly i felt a bubble pop around me. I felt the universe get infinitely bigger and i was able to relax and choose to live my life how i want to live my life. It was a great experience.

And this experience only re-asserted that which i was saying about the relativity of reality.
I actually remember this line i used to think about a lot that went something like this:
"Reality is an illusion based on perception dictated by beliefs that are limited to the sensory experience"

see our problem as humans is we have beliefs that are validated by other beliefs which are validated by other beliefs and it goes on n on until we have this whole fabric of "belief" system that is interwoven. But what we fail to realize is that all of it stands in a void. All of it stands on an assumption in the end.

i know this response was put together sloppily but i just woke up and i am rushing out of her as i got a lot to do today.

ive thought about the question of our significance lately also. Of, how important my little life, in my little world really is. no more important than the next mans, and yet i would like to believe that my life is not dime a dozen. But lately my enthusiasm has left me. Im at point were i realize that no matter what i do with my life, all pursuits seem to be vain and that at the end of the day there is really nothing else to do but rejoice, and enjoy the company of others. On the other hand when i set my mind on this, to the thought that there is nothing else beyond this, well my mind stuggles for meaning, for purpose. And this is why my enthusiasm has left me.

Really its that i am struggling to set meaningful goals for myself. What can i pursue? whats worthwhile? I lack nothing, and yet i struggle for meaning.

I heard something the other day about how we carry a narrative of our life, how we all have a story about our life that develops on a daily basis, and that flows from one day to the next. consequently this narrative develops along side our views of the world, and from this narrative we gather meaning for ourselves. what we expect from our expieriences, and how we relate to others. When expirience meets with our narratives and it does not fit with it, well this causes us to re-adjust and re-examine our believes.

Maybe its the whole world that is in a state of uncertainty and struggle. It seemed like everything was possible a few years back when that engine was rolling . But now it seems like the world has slipped into disarray and chaos. All everyone is looking for now is security and certainty . To control resources that will at least reassure our existance, even if it is lacking meaning.